“Depends,” Theo answers. “Can we stay like this?”
“For as long as you want.”
He nods. “Then yes, we can talk.”
I should have spent more time trying to figure out what I was going to say and less time enjoying the feel of his body because now it’s like I have no words.
Swallowing hard, I dive in. “Would you consider getting professional help?”
Theo tenses for a second but relaxes quickly. “I have a therapist. I’ve been seeing her since I divorced Damien.”
“That’s not exactly what I mean.”
He’s quiet for a second. “What do you mean?”
“I know a guy who works in the mental health field. Would you consider inpatient treatment?”
He goes rigid. Not tense—straight fucking rigid, like all his muscles freeze at once. “No. No fucking way. I’m not gonna get locked in some room where I can’t see anyone and be—”
“Okay,” I say, interrupting him, but the damage is already done. He sits up, then moves away. I let him go even though I don’t want to. The last thing I want is for him to feel trapped.
“I’m not doing that,” he says, staring at me with wide eyes.
“Okay, you don’t have to. It was just an idea. I just… It scared me. You were thinking about… You almost killed yourself, Theo.”
“Ididn’t,” he snaps, cutting me off. “I didn’t, though.”
I sit up, watching him carefully. “I know you didn’t.”
He places a hand over his chest. “Ichosenot to. I chose to walk away, and Ichoseto come toyou.And now, what? You want to send me away?” His voice cracks and tears well up in his eyes.
“Hey, no.” I reach out for him, but he moves further away. “I’m glad you came here. I’m so fucking glad, Theo. But you scared the shit out of me.”
After staring at me for a while, his shoulders slump. “Scared me too.”
“I don’t want to take your choices away,” I say softly, my heart thumping hard when he swipes at his face to wipe the tears away. “I just want you to be safe.”
“Iamsafe,” he says, sniffling. “I’m here with you.”
Fuck. My goddamn heart. “Of course you’re safe with me.”
“I don’t want to die,” he whispers brokenly.
“Fuck, sweetheart. I know you don’t. I believe you. But it’s scary that you thought about it, right? That your brain went there? What about…”
I shake my head as I trail off.
“About what?” Theo asks, back to eyeing me warily.
I sigh. “Medication.”
His face screws up. “I don’t want medication. It’ll make me numb.”
I’d hate to argue with him, but it seems like he’s kind of numb already.
“Have you ever talked to your therapist about it before?”
Theo shakes his head. “No. She’s tried. I’ve ignored.”
