“For getting back in bed with you?”
“No.” Although, yeah, that too. “For taking me in. For… taking care of me. You could have turned me away.”
“Theo, look at me.”
I didn’t even realize I wasn’t, so I lift my head. “It’s not a hardship. You are not a hardship. I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad you’re alive.”
I think I am too. But that’s almost as scary to admit out loud as the idea that I almost wasn’t, so I don’t answer.
It doesn’t seem to bother him in the slightest. “Okay, let’s go see Miss Lila so we can nap.”
After cleaning up our plates, Hunter leads me out of the kitchen through the side door. There’s already a four-wheeler waiting, and he winks at me. “I took it this morning. Walking is fun, but it’s slower than pond water compared to this.”
Slower than pond water.
“That’s a new phrase,” I say.
Hunter throws his head back and laughs. “Suppose it would be for a city boy like you.” He swings a leg over the seat with practiced ease, much like he does with the horses, then grins at me. “Well, climb on up.”
I climb on behind him and wrap my arms tightly around his waist when it starts up. “I’ve never ridden one of these before.”
“We’ll go slow,” he says as he takes off.
I figured it would be terrifying, and in some ways it is, but it’s mostly… exhilarating. I want to do this again when I have the energy to enjoy it. When I can laugh and smile and have fun with it.
It takes us practically no time before we’re pulling up outside a large barn with a fenced-in area behind it.
When I get off, my legs still feel like they’re vibrating, and I’m a little shaky on my feet as I follow Hunter into the barn.
“Lila girl,” he calls out, then whistles.
I’m certain there’s no way she’s gonna come with a whistle like a dog, but I’m proven wrong when a little ball of white and brown comes bounding toward us. She headbutts Hunter right in the shin, and he laughs again.
I must have listened to his laughter in the video he sent me a hundred times. Some nights, it was the only thing that kept me going.
When I kneel, Lila loses interest in ramming Hunter’s legs and comes bouncing toward me instead. She’s grown so much, and it nearly makes me cry that I missed it all. Not like I could have changed it.
“Hey, girl,” I whisper, holding a hand out. She licks me, her tongue rough on my skin, and for some reason, I wrap my arms around her and pull her in close.
I’ve always been told that animals are healing, but it felt like bullshit to me. But as Lila goes still against my body, the warmth of her seeping into my skin and the smell of farm and hay filling my nose, I realize that maybe it’s not such bullshit after all.
“I missed you. I can’t believe how big you’ve gotten. I missed all the fun stuff.”
Suddenly, I can’t even bear to think about what I might have missed if I had jumped.
Chapter 22
Hunter
Iwakeuplongbefore Theo does. It’s no surprise since I was good old-fashioned regular tired and he’s… Well, he’s not. I still need to text Luca, but I don’t actually know if Theo even remembers telling me that I can.
Given that he didn’t fully remember me helping him bathe, I didn’t want to do it without having another conversation.
In some ways, today has been amazing. All the worry and stress of the last week has melted away with Theo here, and he’s been clinging to me like I’m a lifeline. I got to see his eyes lightup when he held Lila. He ate and stayed hydrated. But I know we need to have a talk.
Arealtalk.
A talk about his mind, where it went, and how we can help it not go there again.
