He nods, so I start tearing a stick into manageable, small pieces that he can chew and swallow easily. He eats two of them before his eyes are drooping with exhaustion.
“When was the last time you showered?” I ask quietly.
I’d never judge him for not being able to, but I think being in a clean body would probably help him. I’m not dumb, and while maybe I don’t know everything about depression, I know it’s different from normal sadness. But when Dad died, I couldn’t force myself to shower for over a week, and that first one felt like actual heaven.
He shrugs. “Dunno.”
“Would you like to shower? It might make you feel better to be clean.”
Shame flashes in his eyes, and he drops his gaze.
“Hey,” I whisper, leaning forward so I can cup his chin and coax his eyes back up. “There we go,” I say when he makes eye contact. “Nothing to be ashamed of, okay? Would you like to shower?”
“Not sure I have the energy.”
I bet that would be hard. “I can help you,” I offer, fully expecting him to turn it down, but to my surprise, he doesn’t. At least not outright.
“You would?”
I nod. “Sure. Got a big tub. I could fill it up for you, and then I could help you wash your hair. I’ve got bubble bath, so it would cover everything, and I wouldn’t even need to look at ya.”
His cheeks pink up a little. “I don’t care about that. It’s just… why would you do that? For me?”
The way he says it doesn’t sit right with me. It’s not like he doesn’t want me to, but more like he doesn’t feel like he deserves it. Or like he’s a burden. Neither of which are true.
“Because I want to. I care about you, Theo.”
“Okay,” he whispers.
“Did you lock your car?” I ask. “I can go down and get your clothes.”
He blinks at me. “I didn’t bring any.”
“You… didn’t bring clothes?”
He shakes his head slowly. “No… I, uh, I was standing in a parking garage, thinking about…” Theo blows out a breath. “Thinking about jumping,” he whispers, and my entire body goes cold. “And then I just… came here instead. I drove straight here.”
Fuck. “Oh, Theo,” I whisper. I hold my arms open, and he falls forward, sinking into me again. “I’m glad you came. I’m so sorry. That must have been scary.”
“It was,” he chokes out.
“You’re safe now.” Though I’m not sure I should say that because I don’t actually know. It’s not like I have the power to heal depression. Just because he’s here doesn’t mean he won’t still have those thoughts. It doesn’t mean he won’t still struggle.
At the very least, it means he won’t be alone, though, and that’s better than nothing.
“Can I let Luca know you’re here?” I ask.
“Tomorrow,” Theo says. “I’m not ready to see him.”
I toy with the stringy strands of his hair. “No rush. I went to his house today to ask if he’d heard from you. For now, though, let’s focus on that bath, alright?”
Theo nods against my shoulder but doesn’t make any move to get up, and I’m content to hold him. I’m pretty exhausted myself, though, and I still need to take care of the animals in the morning, so I need to try getting him back into bed, and myself too.
“Let me go run some bathwater, and I’ll grab you something of mine to wear while you get in and get ready for me. Sound good?”
He untangles himself from me, sitting back so I can stand and go into the bathroom.
I pull a bottle of bubble bath out from under the sink, thankful that I have it, even though I never use it, and start filling up the giant claw-foot tub in my bathroom. My room is the only one upstairs that has one, and it’s my favorite thing ever.
