Chapter 1
Theo
Lucacalledme.
I had given up hope he would. There’s no way I could have blamed him if he didn’t want to talk to me. I wouldn’t want to talk to me either, but he called, and we talked for an hour last week.
Luca Pierce is the only other human in existence who knows what it feels like to survive Damien Moore and his abuse. The only other person who might understand the bone-deep self-hatred, the anger, and the agony. He’s the only person alive who wears the same internal scars as me.
We survived.
Though some days it doesn’t feel like I’m surviving. Some days—most days—it feels like I’m not even a human.
Some days, I can’t force myself out of bed. I can’t be bothered to drink because if I drink, I’ll have to pee, and peeing requiresmoving.
I don’t eat because making myself food seems impossible, and I can’t force myself to lift my hand to order something with my phone.
The world doesn’t stop on those days. I used to be someone who had goals and dreams. I had plans for my life. Plans that I’ll probably never see come to fruition.
But all of that doesn’t matter. Finally.Finally, after years and years of being alone. Of being hopeless and ruined and miserable, I’ve found someone else who understands.
I’d never wish what Damien did to me on another person. I tried to have him arrested. I tried to get justice. I failed. And I have to live with that failure every day for the rest of my life.
It’s more than I can say for Damien.
I relax against my pillow. I’m tired. I think it’s a normal tired, but it’s hard to tell. It’s hard to tell if the heavy drooping of my eyes is from an impending bad day or a normal human experience. I guess time will tell.
Letting my eyes fall shut, I try to ignore the little voice in my head telling me this isn’t normal tiredness. It’s insidious, that voice. Sometimes I’d almost swear it convinces my brain to make me feel this way. Like I somehow manage to speak it into existence.
If I were strong enough to resist it, maybe I wouldn’t be like this.
My phone ringing startles me, and I sit up—much slower than I’d like. Each movement is slow, my limbs moving like they’re being weighed down.
Luca Pierce.
My heart jumps into my throat as I accept the call.
“Hello?”
Luca’s warm voice sounds over the line. “Hey, Theodore.”
“You can call me Theo,” I hear myself say.
There’s a pause. “Theo, then.”
We sit in silence. It was like this before too. Mostly silent. Other than the few minutes we cried together—him loudly, me quietly. There’s something freeing about talking to the man who knows your worst scars. There’s something heavy about it too. Something awful.
“Is everything okay?” I ask softly, not sure what else to do.
“Hmm? Oh. Yeah,” Luca says. “I was calling to ask if…”
I wait for him to continue, and when he doesn’t, I prompt him. “Calling to ask if…”
He sighs. “Right. Would you be interested in coming to Silverpine?”
“That’s where you live, right?” I ask, rubbing a hand down my face. Being around other people sounds exhausting, but being alone is exhausting too.Beingis exhausting.
“Yeah.” There’s another pause. “I think it would be nice. To see you. To get to talk to you in person.”
