‘I wasn’t going to tell you,’ she admitted with a small shake of her head. ‘But now, I’m kinda nervous.’
When she averted her gaze, Benji didn’t let her get away with it. He took her chin in his hand, and when she bravely forced her eyes back to his, he asked, ‘Why nervous?’
‘Because you’re my first …’
‘Last.’
‘What?’ She frowned.
‘I’m your first, sure. But I’m your last too. So, really, there’s no need to be nervous. We have a lifetime to learn what you like, Sierra.’
Her smile came slowly, like a sunrise. But once it spread, it was so bright, so full of joy. ‘Say it out loud.’
‘Are you sure you’re ready?’
She threw back her head and shouted, ‘Yes!’ making him grin. She caught her bottom lip with her teeth as she waited.
Benji took her hand in his. He kissed her bare ring finger, sealing the promise until he could afford to make good on it. And then he gave her those three words for the first time. ‘I love you, Sierra. You’re mine. Only ever mine.’
Chapter 26
Hunt Ranch, Santa Barbara County – December, 2025
As he’d expected, Sierra was in her office, sitting in front of her computer. Her fingers flew across the keyboard without pause, and when she didn’t stop typing to acknowledge him, or even glance his way, Benji felt that old dread fill his stomach and solidify.
He closed the door slowly, as if the little room would contain the floodwaters.
Because it was here.
Now.
He had known it would come, but he had thought he’d anchor down and hold on.
What a fool he’d been.
Sierra finished whatever she was typing, and only then did she look up at him, her every movement precise and controlled. Her face was cool and expressionless. Even her eyes, eyes that had once danced with love and laughter and so much joy, were vacant. He wasn’t sure she even realized it, but that morning was the first time she’d worn jeans and boots again in over a year, and for just a moment when he’d seen her, he’d thought: There she is.
But now, Benji didn’t try to reach out. He sat on the other side of her desk like an employee because he knew instinctively that she was pulling back from him. He could feel the chill in the distance between them, and he understood that there would be no fight. No anger or accusations. No begging. No reasoning. Sierra was erasing the last weeks they’d shared as if they’d been nothing, just like she’d done when their daughter had died. For the first time ever, Benji couldn’t summon the hope that had always kept him coming back.
He felt like a man stranded at sea, who had come to terms with his fate, and just when he had been content to fade away, he’d seen a ship pass by. A man who’d waved and screamed until his throat had bled with the effort, only to realize that those aboard couldn’t see or hear him as they continued on their way, out of his reach, oblivious to his plight.
And he was tired.
He didn’t have anything left to give.
As much as letting her go tore him apart, Benji finally realized that he couldn’t keep giving and giving when he had so little left. He couldn’t keep trying to help someone who had no interest in helping herself. Just like his mom, Sierra was stuck in a cycle that only she could break. He just never would have thought that something as stupid as a fall off a horse would have been what finally did them in.
He took Ava’s ring out of his pocket and placed the black, velvet box on the desk in front of her. He had taken it from Mav before he’d left on his honeymoon, and kept it in the pocket close to his heart, hoarding hope every time he felt it there. ‘I can already see I’m not going to have a need for this.’
It was the hardest thing he’d ever done. Because in giving her the ring back without the expectation that she’d wear it, Benji was saying goodbye to the only future he’d ever wanted. Since she’d first kissed him under the oak tree all those years ago, he had wanted to marry Sierra Hunt and make a family with her. And he’d given it almost two decades …
Her brown eyes widened, and Benji would have laughed if he hadn’t been so heartbroken. The fact that she was shocked was just another indicator that they were on fundamentally different paths. ‘Benji—’
‘Don’t.’ He could hear the cool placation in her tone. And he couldn’t take it. ‘Sierra, I love you. I always will. But tomorrow …’ He cleared his throat when emotion clogged it. ‘Tomorrow, I’m leaving.’ He took a breath, added, ‘And I’m not coming back this time.’
Her tone was icy and cool when she replied, ‘I think that would be for the best.’
‘But I have some things to say first.’
