And when Nina took it, Mav raised her fingers to his lips. He kissed them gently and whispered, ‘Ready?’
Nina smiled brightly. ‘I’m desperate, Mav,’ she replied. ‘I want to be yours.’
Mav tucked her hand in his arm and, together, they walked the last few steps to where Sierra stood, waiting to marry them.
And even though the ceremony was quick, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house by the end of the vows, which the couple had written themselves. And when Sierra pronounced them husband and wife, and Mav took his hat off and swept Nina into a dramatic kiss, everybody stood and cheered loudly.
Benji clapped and whistled. But he couldn’t help turning to Sierra. Their eyes met, and for the first time in over a year, he saw a matched need and want in her.
He was helpless to defend himself against it. It stole the breath from his lungs. Goddammit, he wanted that future with her. He wanted to claim her for forever in front of everybody they loved and everybody who loved them. He wanted her to be his in the way that he’d always been hers.
As Mav and Nina started down the aisle, each of them holding one of Poppy’s hands, Shadow at their side, Benji went to Sierra. He roped an arm around her waist and kissed the side of her head. ‘Good job, Si. That was beautiful.’
‘It was,’ she replied, and rested her head on his shoulder as she watched her brother and his wife. ‘Look at them, Benji. Soh-happy.’
Alarmed by the sob in her voice, Benji turned her in his arms.
Sierra waved away his concern before he could speak. ‘I’m happy. I just … I wish my mom and dad could have been here, you know. God, Benji, could you imagine how happy this would have made them? The wedding and the babies. Thejoy.’
‘Yeah.’ He didn’t have to close his eyes to imagine Ava and James, sitting side by side, tearing up as they watched Mav marry the love of his life, with Poppy wearing a dress that Nina had made sure matched hers. ‘Yeah, they would have loved it.’
Sierra sighed. She shook both hands as if trying to physically expel the grief. ‘Okay, no more tears.’ She swiped at her face. ‘I’m done crying. Today is a happy day.’
‘It’s okay to cry, Si,’ Benji reminded her. ‘Every person here who knew your mom and dad would understand why.’ And although he didn’t say it, he thought that a big part of their problem in the past had been that neither of them had known how to handle all those big, ugly emotions. First, when Ava and James had been taken from then. And then Baby Girl. Sierra had survived her parents’ accident – barely. But she had never really worked through her grief, so that by the time their baby had died, she’d had no more room for any more. She had shut down. And, unwilling to push her, Benji had made sure to never show her the extent of his own grief, despair and loneliness.
But maybe that wasn’t healthy. Maybe, the reason they had so much pain between them was because neither of them had opened the lid on it and let it out, so instead all that grief had grown and grown, pushing them further and further apart when, really, they should have mourned together. They should have reached for one another and displaced the sorrow instead.
Unwilling to dredge it up at the wedding, Benji linked his fingers with Sierra’s, and when Markus momentarily lowered the camera he’d picked up to say, ‘We gonna party or what?’ Benji laughed, choosing happiness.
But later, as he and Mav sat at the head table, slightly drunk, resting their feet from all the dancing and watching their girls belt out Taylor Swift’s ‘Love Story’ with Markus, Benji couldn’t help but mention it. He kicked Mav’s foot gently and said, ‘I’m happy for you, man.’
Mav’s grin was huge, if a little off kilter. ‘Thanks.’ His gaze naturally turned to find Nina. He rubbed a hand over his heart. ‘Damn, Benji. Look at mywife.’
Benji did – but only because Nina was dancing with Sierra. While Nina was in white, Sierra wore black. The long-sleeved dress clung to her from wrist to mid-shin, the solid colour only interrupted by a red ribbon at her waist and her red cowgirl boots. The dress should have been demure with how much it concealed; instead, it flaunted her perfect body, her full breasts, her small waist in contrast to her hips. Benji couldn’t wait to take it off her.
Whether she sensed him looking or had been thinking of him just then too, he couldn’t know. But Sierra raised her gaze to his, and when their eyes met, she waved him over.
Benji held up a finger, telling her he’d be there soon, and then he turned to Mav. ‘I’m gonna need that ring back, Mav.’
Even through his drunken bliss, Benji saw the concern that flickered through his best friend’s eyes. ‘Are you sure you’re ready?’
‘Fuck yes. I’ve only ever been ready. You know that. And seeing Sierra plan this wedding, seeing you and Nina …’
‘And Sierra – you think she’s ready?’
‘She might take some convincing,’ Benji admitted. ‘But either I leave in the new year, or I stay, and the way I see it, she’s not going to be the one to ask me to stay.’
‘It’s yours. I’ll get it out of the safe for you.’
Benji heard the cautious tone. ‘But?’
Mav took his time thinking through what he needed to say. ‘Don’t be afraid to expect things from my sister, Benji. The reason you two were so good together before was because you didn’t take her shit – and she knew it. And she respected you for it.’ Mav rolled his beer bottle in his hands. ‘There aren’t many men who can go head-to-head with a woman as strong-willed as Sierra. But before … Before the baby, you did. Now, you just let her walk all over you, and as the person who loves you most after my sister, I’m telling you that it won’t work if you let that imbalance breed.’
Benji wasn’t offended. He expected honesty from his best friend – always. But he was defensive – for Sierra. ‘I know you’re right. But you can’t expect anything from someone running on empty. And for a really long time, Sierra’s priority has been surviving.’
‘And what about you, Benj?’
‘It’s my job to protect her,’ he said simply.
