He waited in silence, his breath trapped in his chest.
‘I … Watching you with Poppy … It makes me feel so much.’ Before his heart could soar, she added, ‘Including guilty. Because there is a good chance that I’ll never be ready. And then you’ll be stuck here, in Purgatory, with me.’ She put her palm over his heart, whispered, ‘I want you to be happy.’
Benji had heard iterations of those particular words from her numerous times over the past few weeks. And even though he had meant it every time he’d told her that she was enough, she clearly didn’t believe it. But to his mind, all he had to do was keep showing up, keep showing her that he would stick through it all even if they revised the future they’d always planned for.
So, he said, ‘You’re more than I deserve.’ And he kissed her one last time, added, ‘You’re all I need. And if I have to stick around until your ovaries shrivel up and you’re grumpy with hot flashes, then that’s what I’ll do.’ When she tried to look away, he took her face in both his hands, gently directed her eyes back to his. ‘I adore you, Sierra.You.’
Her eyes glimmered with tears. But she forced a tight smile, said, ‘I love you, Benji. I just hope you know what you’re doing.’
She watched as they rode out at a walk together, the little girl in the bright pink riding hat and the rugged cowboy in his ancient ball cap. Even though Poppy rode Zephyr all by herself, Benji stayed close beside her on Diablo. And as she watched, sheyearned.
She’d been teasing when she’d asked him if he was sure he wanted a bunch, but when he’d replied yes, she’d been about to say ‘Me too’. And then her memories, those reminders of how everything could go so wrong had risen. And they’d stolen the confession from her throat before she could give him that hope.
Because more than she yearned, she feared.
So much could go wrong. So muchhadgone wrong. And the only thing Sierra was certain of was that she wouldn’t survive any more loss.
The world was so heavy already.
Because they’d be out riding for at least an hour, Sierra went back to her office to get some work done. She didn’t have to check with Benji to know that he would bring Poppy up to the office when they were done. He was responsible and reliable – and he knew Sierra well enough to know she’d be waiting for them to get back.
She immersed herself in the employee timesheets, and she had just found her flow when Paul, the resort manager, knocked on her open office door.
She looked up, only slightly offput at the interruption, but her irritation died when she saw the look of panic on his face. ‘Paul? What’s wrong?’
‘Silas Matthews.’
‘Shit.’ Sierra did not need an explanation. Benji’s father had a habit of showing up at Hunt Ranch once every few years. Always drunk. And always to cause a scene. Typically, Benji handled it. But given that he was out with Poppy, Sierra pushed to her feet, asked, ‘Where?’
‘He supposedly wanted to grab lunch at the restaurant, but when Sam recognized him from the eighty-sixed list, she called me. Of course, the moment he saw me, he started shouting and causing a scene, saying it was his constitutional right to eat where he wanted.’ Paul swiped at his brow, sweaty with anxiety. ‘A few guests with kids have already left the restaurant,’ he said bitterly.
Sierra marched to the door, her anger making her brave where typically she would have been cautious facing Silas. Hunt Ranch had been through enough. They’d already faced one media storm when Nina’s stalker had shot Mav, and although their financials would eventually recover from the ensuing shutdown, rumours of more violence could jeopardize that. Silas was mean sober, but when he drank – which was most of the time – he was outright dangerous.
Sierra strode down the hallway to the resort lobby, a woman on a mission, and when she entered the restaurant, she was all fire.
Silas Matthews was scum. He had alternately neglected and abused the person she loved most in the world, and somehow Benji had still turned out to be the kindest, most compassionate person she knew. It was about time someone let his father have it.
She saw Silas immediately, a large man who might have been as handsome as his son before a lifetime of alcohol abuse had caught up with him. Silas had the same blond hair and green eyes as Benji, but his hair was thinning and streaked unevenly with grey, and his eyes were rheumy from the booze. He was shouting, ‘Get me a goddamn drink!’ at Carlyle, one of their long-time bartenders.
Carlyle, thirty-two and standing at six-one himself, just stood on the other side of the bar and stared at Silas as if the man were a bug on a pile of horseshit. But when he saw Sierra approaching, the bartender switched to alert, ready to jump in if he needed to. He nodded stiffly at her. ‘Boss.’
‘Carlyle, I apologize on behalf of Mr Matthews,’ Sierra said as Silas drunkenly spun around to face her. ‘He was just leaving.’
All eyes were fixed on the scene. Sierra could feel the weight of them burning into her even as a collective silence spread through the restaurant. It was as if everyone were holding their breath, waiting for the explosion.
Silas laughed. ‘If it isn’t the queen herself.’ He affected a crude bow. The gesture might have been more insulting if he hadn’t stumbled forward as he tried to right himself again.
‘Silas, you have exactly one minute to leave my property before I call the police – and we both know the sheriff is well acquainted with your history here.’
Silas puffed out his chest. ‘Can’t a man get a meal anymore?’ he demanded hotly.
‘You’re not welcome here,’ she reminded him.
Silas ignored her. He grinned, and it was bitter and cruel. ‘Where is that good-for-nothing son of mine? Maybe he’ll finally put his bitch in her place for his old man.’
‘Thirty seconds, Silas.’ Sierra turned to Carlyle. ‘The phone, please.’
Carlyle passed her the bar phone without a word, but as soon as it left his hand, he walked around to the front of the bar, clearly not comfortable with the way Silas was inserting himself into Sierra’s space.
