As soon as it was standing, Sierra started lugging bedding from the trunk to the tent. ‘It’s going to get down to forty-two tonight.’
Benji stopped hammering at the last peg.
He stood and came to her.
His big hands ran down her arms, from shoulder to wrist.
His eyes, so serious just then, studied her face closely. ‘Why are you anxious?’
Sierra exhaled deeply. ‘That obvious?’
He smiled, tipped his head. ‘I think we’re past talking about the weather.’
She plonked her forehead on his chest. ‘I don’t know,’ she answered finally. But her skin still danced with goosebumps. Her heart still fluttered with nerves. ‘It feels like there’s too much between us sometimes. And even though I know we’ve been together a thousand times before, everything’s different now.’ Rambling with nerves, she added, ‘Mav said that I needed to be careful, and now I—’
‘What?’ Benji demanded hotly.
Sierra moved back so that she could look up at him again. ‘He’s worried about you,’ she said quietly. ‘About me hurting you. And he has good reason to be worried. God, Benji,I’mworried I’ll hurt you.’ As that age-old pain filled her chest, she added, ‘I’m not good for you.’ She laughed tiredly, whispered, ‘I’m not good for anyone right now – maybe ever. I—’
‘Sierra,’ he snapped. And when she met his eyes, he demanded. ‘Stop.’
He took a deep calming breath. Cradling her face in his hands, he kissed her. And he was so gentle, so sweet, that the gesture brought tears to her eyes. ‘On your worst day, you’re perfect for me. Christ, Si, you’re the only woman in my head and in my heart. You always have been.’ He pulled her into his arms, wrapped her in an embrace that warmed her as much inside as out. ‘I’ll speak to Mav.’
‘No.’ Sierra shook her head. ‘Don’t do that. He loves you. He’s just worried.’
‘Maybe. But he has no business getting involved.’ He rested his chin on her head in an old habit that had always made her smile, but that only made her ache now. ‘People think my eyes aren’t open. But they are. I see you, Sierra. And I know you’re not the same – but neither am I.’ He was quiet for a moment before he continued. ‘The way I see it, we used to be a perfect image, etched in glass. And we dropped and shattered. True. But the pieces are all still there, and it’s up to us –onlyus – to put them back together. And even though we’ll never be the same, we can still create something beautiful, something that might even be stronger and more unique than before.’
Her heart hurt. There was no excited patter or racing now. This was a deep, physical ache. He had always known what to say to comfort her, and although she hadn’t let him for the past year, Sierra suddenly and deeply regretted that she’d been unable to accept his comfort. Because Benji would have made things so much easier. He would have carried her on those days when her grief had made getting out of bed difficult.
‘Benji?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Thank you – for being you.’ She closed her eyes, and hurriedly said, ‘I love you so much.’ It wasn’t fair of her to say it, but Sierra wanted him to know. ‘I admire the man you are.’
His arms tightened around her even as his body trembled against hers. ‘I never stopped loving you. Not for a single moment. You’re my woman, Sierra.’
This time when he kissed her, he did not hold back. His mouth seduced her, his hands roamed, stroking up her sides and then down her back before resting gently on her ass so that he could pull her closer.
Sierra needed no further encouragement. She plastered herself to him, and when her need became frantic, she tugged his shirt up and slid her hands against his hot skin.
Benji made a rough sound in the back of his throat, half groan, half growl and exhaled as if he were in pain. ‘Do you know how many nights I’ve dreamed of you and woken up aching for you?’ He trailed his lips down her throat, pulling a violent shiver of pleasure from her.
Sierra could only nod. Because even though she hadn’t wanted to, she had dreamed of him too. Many times. But instead of waking up aching, she’d woken up irritated and grieving, too angry at the world to acknowledge her need, too bitter to admit how easy it would have been to quell by just picking up the phone and calling him.
‘What do you want?’
The question needed no explanation. It was one he’d often asked her before sex. ‘I want us to be naked under the stars the first time,’ she replied, and without hesitation, started on the buttons of his jacket.
The moment the last button popped free, he shrugged out of the heavy garment. ‘Hold on.’
He left her there so that he could pull the huge sleeping bag out of the tent and spread it over the ground. Sierra thought he would come to her, so she was surprised when he went back to the truck, pulled a bundle of firewood from the bed and proceeded to build a fire in the pit.
She sat on the sleeping bag and yanked her Ugg boots off. Her fuzzy socks she left on, despite how unsexy they were. But when she started to lift her hoodie over her head, Benji said, ‘Don’t,’ without even looking her way.
It was just one word, but the authority in it had her slowly lowering her hands.
‘I want to do it,’ he explained with no self-consciousness as he doctored the fire.
