He was the strongest person she knew. So kind and selfless. And she had hurt him. Deliberately. Routinely. And it didn’t matter that she had had a good reason to push him away, Benji hadn’t deserved her pain and loathing. And fear.
There was always so much fear. Because loving him, so deeply and so fiercely, was accepting pain into her life when she had already suffered so much of it. If anything ever happened to Benji …
Sierra couldn’t even ponder it.
‘Benji …’
‘What is it, Si?’
‘Thank you – for everything you’ve done for me. And for Mav. You’re the strongest person I know, and I’m sorry I was never strong for you in return.’
‘You don’t have to thank me. You’re my family.’
She knew that was true, even as she understood that she had been so inundated with grief After that she had never reciprocated. She had never comforted him or asked him how he was doing or tried to talk to him about what had happened. Sierra regretted that now even as she loved him more for everything he had done.
He shifted slightly beneath her, repositioning himself under her weight, but even that slight movement kindled heat low in her.
Sierra remembered what he had said about it being her choice, and even though neither of them could acknowledge it aloud, they both understood, with the clarity of people who’d known each other their entire lives, that she had sipped the wine he’d brought up sparingly.
‘If we have sex,’ she began, feeling Benji go completely still beneath her, ‘will you be able to not read more into it than that?’
‘No.’ He sighed and rested his chin on her shoulder. ‘I could lie just to be able to touch you again, but we’re years past emotional detachment, Sierra. When I touch you, I love you. When you touch me, you brand me and remind me that I’m yours. And I know it’s been a long time, but that doesn’t go away just because you want it to.’
‘I want you, Benji. But I’m not ready to give you anything else.’ Sierra felt it imperative to give him a chance to protect himself from her. There was even a part of her that wanted him to reject her. It would have made things so much easier – for both of them.
‘I’m not asking for anything you’re not ready to give, Si. But that doesn’t mean that we have to lie about the immensity of what we already have.’
Sierra’s body trembled with emotion – relief and grief and love. He always knew what she needed. Whether it was words or actions or distance, Benji always knew. And for the first time, Sierra recognized how truly lucky she was to have that.Him.
Knowing it made her brave. Or, maybe, reckless. In her desperation, she didn’t overthink it. She raised one hand to his face and guided his lips to hers.
The kiss was deep and long, a return home. And when she pulled back, she didn’t run even though the impulse to do just that was strong. She said, ‘Come to my bed, Benji.’
He exhaled a whoosh of air against her neck, asked, ‘Are you sure?’
Sierra pressed her weight down, deliberately grinding over the hard ridge beneath his jeans. ‘I’m sure. I need you.’
His hand gripped the back of her hair and tugged, pulling her head back until she met his gaze. His eyes burned into hers, reading the truth there, and seemingly satisfied with what he saw, Benji took her mouth in a bruising kiss.
As his lips and tongue tormented her, urging her to keep up with his unrestrained need, his hands fell to her hips. He gripped her tightly and gently guided her in the smallest back and forth over his erection. ‘Christ, Sierra, I—’
Whatever he had been about to say was cut off by, ‘Sisi!’ and the sound of little feet pounding up the stairs.
Benji and Sierra froze.
For one perfect second their eyes met.
Sierra started laughing first. And it was not quiet. It burst from her like a champagne cork, releasing years of gathering pressure.
Benji followed, his deep chuckle merging with hers.
Unable to contain herself, Sierra toppled off his lap and onto her back on the carpeted floor as the laughter took her under.
Across the hall, the sound of Poppy opening Sierra’s bedroom door filtered through to them. ‘Sierra,’ Benji said, his eyes still dancing, ‘you have to go out there.’ He cast a pointed look down at his flagrant erection, which only made her laugh harder.
Benji leaned over her. His hand brushed her hair out of her face. He kissed her gently. ‘I’ve missed your laugh.’
Sierra smiled and hurriedly swiped her face. She sat up, said, ‘I’ll go distract her while you pull yourself together.’
