When her long, tight skirt got in the way, she yanked it up her thighs so that she could swing one leg inelegantly over. She was tall, and it was no easy feat to navigate the confined space, but Sierra had done this particular manoeuvre many times. Before.
Still, her knee hit his seatbelt buckle as she straddled him. Sierra cursed.
Benji chuckled – and then abruptly fell silent as she lowered her weight down onto his lap.
His big hands came to her hips, holding her gently as his thumbs stroked. His lips whispered over her neck, leaving little sparks in their wake. ‘How drunk are you?’
‘A seven,’ she said honestly. There was no point in lying. He knew her too well.
Benji pulled back immediately.
‘Please, Benji. I’m here.’ She ground over him, forcing her skirt up higher to reveal a flash of her plain white thong, the front of which was visibly wet.
Benji groaned.
‘I know what I’m doing. I want you to make it go away.’
‘Sierra—’
She heard the refusal in his tone and sighed. She started to push him away as her lust drained, making way for her anger.
‘No.’ He wrapped his arms around her, restraining her easily. And when she began to struggle, he gripped one hand in her hair and slowly forced her eyes back to his. ‘You know, Sierra,’ he said, his tone pain-filled. ‘You know what I would do, what I would sacrifice for one night with you …’
‘So, fuck me,’ she demanded, and pressed her weight down over the thick ridge beneath his jeans.
He closed his eyes and exhaled as if fighting his urge to do just that. ‘When Ifuck you, Sierra,’ he said, making her ugly words sound so erotic, ‘it’s going to be when you’re sober. And because you want me as much as I want you.’
Desperate for relief, she demanded, ‘And if that never happens?’ Leaning close, she nipped his ear, whispered, ‘What if this was your last chance, Benji?’
‘Even if it was, I would regret it,’ he replied without hesitation. ‘Saying no is better than tainting everyperfectmemory I have of you – ofus– with one cheap encounter.’
Sierra’s heart broke. Because he was right, and once again, she was the problem. But when she would have pushed off him and climbed out of the truck, her temper ripe, Benji only pulled her closer, held her tighter.
Sierra’s panic rose. With no lust to distract her, that despair came for her. A violent tremor passed through her body. Very quietly, very calmly, she asked, ‘Please let me go.’
‘No.’ If anything, he held her tighter.
Her tears started again, hot and heavy on her cheeks. The grief rose and, with it, panic. ‘Benji. I can’t.’ She used both hands to push violently at his chest, but he didn’t even budge a little. ‘I have to go. I—’
‘Just let it come, Si.’ He kissed the side of her head. ‘Just let it come. I’ll be right here.’
She tried to fight it, tried to face it. But it was futile. She had been running too long and too far. She was so tired that resisting the grief had her shaking.
Unable to hold it back any longer, Sierra let it take her under.
Finally.
PART TWO: GRIEVE
Chapter 8
Hunt Ranch, Santa Barbara County – February, 2024
Sierra sat on her bathroom floor and stared at the two faint pink lines in disbelief. There was no joy. She was too shocked, too overwhelmed.
Pregnant.
Her brain demanded ‘How?’ even though she was well acquainted with the biological process of procreation. It wasn’t even that she hadn’t planned for that future with Benji eventually – soon, even. It was that she’dhada plan, a list of specifics that included getting engaged and marriedbeforethe kids started coming.
