Benji hadn’t expected that the first thing he’d feel was a whip of jealousy and, shamed by it, he forced it under. If anyone deserved good things, it was Maverick. And Nina. ‘Dude,’ he said. It was one word. And not a profound one at that. But it was enough for Mav, who had known him most of his life.
‘I know.’ Mav’s grin broke free in full force.
‘How’s she feeling?’
‘Mornings are just getting rough. That’s how we found out. She … She thought she was late from stress, you know …’
Benji nodded. ‘She’s been through a lot this year.’
‘Yeah. Well, the day after I got home from the hospital, she’s lying in bed, looking pale and tired. She tells me she thinks she’s coming down with something and then dashes through to the bathroom. And I follow, asking what I can do while she’s crying and telling me to leave her alone. And I see her, bent over the toilet bowl, and it just hits me – the déjà vu.’
‘From when Shannon was pregnant with Poppy,’ Benji filled in the gaps.
‘Yeah. And Nina has no idea. She’s telling me she has a stomach bug, and that she’ll be fine in a few days. And, Benji, I swear, I don’t know what came over me; I just started laughing.’
Benji couldn’t stop his genuine grin at that. ‘I bet that confused her.’
‘She’s glaring at me like, “What the fuck?” and I’m just standing there, so fucking happy that I’m howling with laughter.’ He sobered, but his grin couldn’t be tamed. ‘Then she started crying, and I felt like an asshole.’
‘Uh-oh.’
‘Yeah,’ Mav said dreamily. ‘I scooped her up, asked her how late she was. And she just looked at me, for like a full minute, those fucking sexy eyes just staring straight into my soul …’ He dropped his head onto the table. ‘I’m set, man. I don’t need anything else. For the rest of my life. I have everything.’
Because Benji knew the feeling, he kicked Mav’s foot under the table. ‘Happy for you, man.’ And he was. But there was another part of him that was self-pitying and angry. A part of him that askedWhy couldn’t we have that – Si and I?
With Sierra on the forefront of his mind, he asked, ‘Have you told her yet?’
Mav’s grin died instantly. ‘No. We’ve been talking about how best to do it. Sierra thinks I don’t see, you know …’
‘I know.’
‘Last month, Jade – you remember Jade Gaffrey? The Sheriff’s daughter?’
‘Of course.’
‘Well, she had her baby shower.’
‘Yeah. I heard.’
‘Sierra didn’t go. Fuck, she didn’t even RSVP. And it got me thinking. When was the last time my sister saw one of her friends? Or took a day off work? Or did anything for herself?’
Benji’s heart ached just thinking about it. Jade was a local, the County Sheriff’s daughter. She had been Sierra’s best friend throughout high school. They had practically been joined at the hip. After Baby Girl, Jade had tried to visit. But Sierra had been cool and detached, almost as if she’d been surprised by a visit from a stranger instead of one of her best friends. Eventually, it had become awkward, and Jade had stopped coming altogether even though she still sent Sierra invitations to every birthday, Christmas party, and family barbecue. ‘It’s been a while.’
‘Nina and I have been thinking about how to tell her. We know she’ll be happy, but it’s gonna bring everything back too …’
Benji could only nod. It had taken him losing their baby to understand why women got upset when people asked those seemingly innocent questions: Are you guys going to have kids? When? To one woman, those little questions were so simple to answer, so exciting. But for another woman, for many women, those questions were lashing reminders of empty wombs, of little urns, of revised dreams.
Thinking of Sierra, always, he asked, ‘Could you do me a favour? Could you let me know once you’ve told her?’
‘Sure.’ Mav picked up the bridle and went back to work. ‘How’s it going with you two? I haven’t really been around much.’
‘It’s about the same,’ Benji said. He thought about the wedding that morning, and the fact that Sierra had let him hold her hand, but he didn’t mention it to Mav because he would feel compelled to warn him.
The warning came anyway, just not in the words Benji could have ever expected. ‘You know, Benji … I wouldn’t blame you – for moving on,’ Mav said cautiously. ‘I know why you stuck around for so long after … But I don’t expect you to wait forever. And neither does Sierra.’
The gentle reminder would have hurt coming from anyone, but the fact that it came from Maverick added a layer of panic to the hurt. Because Maverick, who was always honest with him, clearly thought she’d never take him back. And, still, Benji could only ask, ‘If Nina lost this baby’ – Mav paled – ‘and she shut down and pushed you away, what would you do?’
Mav nodded firmly. ‘I’d fight for her. One hundred per cent.’
