Her innocent confession makes me feel giddy. I love that it’s just us tonight. These few hours with Blair are just what I need right now. Rhett is always there to ground me and I love that about him. Having someone there to grab my hand and force me to take a deep breath is comforting.
But I don’t want to be grounded tonight, and around Blair—I’m not. In her presence, there’s a freedom I don’t get with anyone else. I can say what I want, when I want, and I know she’s not going to rein me in. She laughs easily, playfully antagonizes me, and calls me on my shit. Since she’s moved in, it’s felt like I’ve been standing under a warm beam of sunlight and its refreshing. I don’t want to lose it.
What’s more, there’s been this buzzing in my head whenever I get close to her. It’s pleasant despite the fact that it’s so intense I swear my bones are vibrating. I know what that buzzing is. It’s the low whispering of two corrupted souls familiarizing themselves with one another on a frequency too low to make out what’s being said. This is me feeling how right it is to have Blair at my side on a molecular level.
Once Rhett gets his head out of his ass and realizes how great she is, having them on either side of me is going to bliss me out. I just know it.
“Ok, well just over there behind that organic grocery store is the baseball field I used to play on. I was on a little league team when I was a kid, then I was the top pitcher in high school.”
Blair shoots me an appreciative glance. “I can’t see you wearing a baseball uniform. I’m too used to seeing you in flannel or those orange overalls you favor.” She tilts her head at me, giving me a coy smile. “Not that those are a bad look on you. You pull off lumberjack very well, Santi.”
I throw back my head and laugh. “I can pull off anything. Maybe later I’ll show you pictures of me in my uniform.”
“You don’t still have it? Shame, you could’ve modeled it for me.”
I shoot her a wink. “You want to see me in my baseball uniform? Done.”
Blair giggles as she nudges me with her shoulder. “You’re just looking to show off.”
“Damn right I am.”
“So, you’ve lived in Caddawalk your whole life? Never left?” she asks me curiously as she stares into a candy shop window that we pass.
“Never,” I confirm. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’ve been on a few vacations and left for college, but for the most part, yeah I’ve always lived here. If I want to spice things up then Pittsburgh isn’t all that far of a drive. But, really, I get the best of everything right here.”
Blair nods. “I get that. What about your parents? Are they still here in Caddawalk?”
“Kind of,” I admit with a shrug. “They’re both in the cemetery a few blocks away.”
Beside me, Blair stiffens. “Oh, Santi, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize?—”
“It’s fine,” I promise, cutting her off. “It was hard losing them both but I think I’m making them proud so that gets me through it. Mom died in a car accident when I was fifteen and Dad died a few years later on the job. He was a cop and, while you don’t expect shit like that to happen, it didn’t really come as a surprise either. They’re together now and that gives me some peace.” I pause to swallow the grief threatening to well up and ruin the moment. When I get it under control I continue. “I own the house that I grew up in now and sometimes I feel like I can sense them when I walk through the front door. It’s why I haven’t moved in with Ledger, despite him offering a thousand times.”
“Oh, that sounds… nice. To feel close to them in some way, I mean,” Blair murmurs softly.
Determined to lighten the mood, I switch gears. “What about you?” I ask. “Where’d you grow up?”
Blair hums thoughtfully and it makes me curious. I couldn’t find anything online about her when I did my usual background check on people. It’s like she doesn’t exist. Is that a clever hitman ability—erasing your existence from typical databases?
She opens her mouth to answer but all that comes out is a croak. Giving me a sheepish smile, she clears her throat and tries again. “I was about to give you The Lie but I guess I don’t have to do that.”
“The Lie?”
Blair nods. “Yeah, I have a whole backstory about my childhood. Well, notmychildhood but CeCe’s—the alias I was using before I got here.”
Alias. Holy fuck, that’s so cool. I grin as I think about all the fun she must’ve had coming up with the stories and pretending to be someone else.
“Anyway, tohonestlyanswer your question—I’ve grown up nowhere? Everywhere? I don’t really know how to answer that. We just kept moving, never staying anywhere for very long.”
“We? You mean you and your dad? Or did your mom come with you?”
Blair shakes her head slowly. “No, my mom died when I was young. It’s been just me and Dad.”
I wonder what her dad’s like and if I’ll ever get to meet him. “Did he teach you all his cool hitman-y tricks and stuff?”
Blair wrings her hands in front of her as she looks around. “Um, I guess so? I wouldn’t say it's cool, though. More like… imperative to my survival.”
My excitement dims. Well, that’s not the answer I expected. That’s actually kind of sad.
