When I force her to lift her head, our eyes meet, and I find hers glittering with unshed tears.
“You never have to thank me, Blair.” My voice is rough, thickening and growing deeper as that fucked up part of me rises; demanding I consume the woman before me. “You and I… We’re family.”
Oh, we’re so much more than that. And when her eyes bore into mine, I see that she knows it too. Whatever inspired her tolunge at me all those years ago, it’s still there, burning beneath the surface. She’s hiding it well, but this close, I can practically hear her soul calling out for me.
I suck in a deep breath as my cock stirs to life. She’s here, under my care, where I can watch over and be in her life, but Ican’tindulge in the urge to claim her. Blair’s as much mine as she can ever be—this has to be enough.
Ithasto be.
“While you’re here, I’ll make sure you’re taken care of in every way possible,” I vow. “Your every need, and want, will be met—I’ll make sure of that. There might be an adjustment period as you get your footing here, but your life hasn’t stopped, it’s just gone in a different direction, alright? Your life—”belongs to me“—is yours to live.”
Blair’s lips part and she sucks in a shaky breath, holding my gaze. My hand drops from beneath her chin to her thigh, but she doesn’t look away. Even when I give her a gentle squeeze. My heart thunders in my chest as she seems to unconsciously lean toward me. Fuck me… All I want to do is close the distance between us and drink her in until I’ve absolutely consumed her. My grip on her thigh tightens as I fight the tremor that rushes through me.
“Ledger,” Blair breathes. “You can’t say stuff like that.”
I scowl. “Why not?”
“Because I-I…” She scoffs and looks away from me. “Because I thought I was over you but hearing words like that make it so very,painfullyclear that I’m not. So, I need you to be the gruff asshole I know you typically are, okay? For both of our sakes. Or I can’t promise I won’t do something stupid again.”
“Something stupid?” I repeat. I battle the urge to smile but lose and Blair notices. Her eyes narrow on me as her head turns in my direction again. “You’re talking about how you kissed me while it was raining bullets.”
“Yeah, that,” she admits. “I thought this was going to be awkward and uncomfortable—seeing you after that. But here you are, taking care of me just like you always have.” The tension gathering in her shoulders loosens. “Thank you, but don’t… don’t say all those sweet words. It’s not going to make settling in any easier.”
Ah,fuck.
The confirmation that she also feels this thing between us causes me to lose my grip on my self-control.
The laugh that slips past my lips is rough and bitter. My arm shoots out and I grab Blair by the front of her neck and give it a tight squeeze. The devil inside me wells up and, try as I might, I can’t push him down. I rise from my seat. Blair’s eyes sharpen and her body coils slowly—registering the danger gathering in the room.
“You’re right. You were stupid when you kissed me that day,” I growl between clenched teeth.
I try to grab a hold of my self control but the reins slip through my fingers.
The words that fall from my lips next are from the darkest parts of me.
“Every. Fucking. Day.That’show often I’ve thought about that stupid kiss and how delicious you tasted,” I growl between clenched teeth. “Then those thoughts shifted and I started to wonder how fucking good it would feel to have those same lips wrapped tight around my cock. I have faced countless enemies, Blair, but you? You were the one to destroy me. Your lips were the weapon needed to shatter my reality and render me absolutely feral.”
Blair’s eyes go wide as those very lips part in surprise. I chuckle darkly at the shock that ripples across her face.
“Do you know how dangerous I’ve become since then?” I ask.
No,Idon’t ask her this—the devil in me does. He’s been given a voice and he’s going to use it. I can’t stop the words spilling from my lips no matter how hard I try.
“No, you wouldn’t know, would you? You’ve been off, living your little life while I’ve been here—attempting to wrangle some type of hold over the demon you created. Be glad that I have a semblance of control because this fucked up part of me wants to pin you to this floor, breed your fucking pussy, and then fill your ass and mouth with so much cum you leak for days. I want to smell me seeping through your fucking pores, Blair. Even then, it wouldn’t be enough. Every hour, I imagine, I’d have to fill you with my cum just to be able to have a sane thought or two that would follow the orgasm.”
I smile coldly as Blair gapes at me.
“That’swhat yourstupidkiss did to me, Blair,” I tell her with a tired sigh. “With you here, I’ll be holding on to sanity by a thread.” I shake my head with another cold laugh. “So yeah, I understand the difficulty you’re talking about. It brings me at least a little peace knowing I’m not the only one suffering.”
We stare at each other for a long time.
In that stretch of silence, I can feel the devil in me retreating—pleased to have spoken its desire out loud. In it’s absence, shame slices through me. What am Idoing? The further the darkness sinks, the more control over myself I manage to acquire. After a shaky inhale, then an even shakier exhale, I manage to peel my fingers away from Blair’s neck. I jerk my head away, unable to continue to stare into her eyes still wide with alarm.
I’ve scared her.
Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe this way, Blair will steer clear of me while she’s here. It would be in her best interest if she did. I can be here, to protect her but she would have the others toconnect with. If the two of us grew any closer, who knows what I would or wouldn’t do.
“Ledger…”
