It didn’t matter that Ciro appeared out of the blue like an answer to my prayers, after the many months, I’d struggled to be a mother and provider. We’d been doing fine without him. I needed to remember I was strong enough to be a single mom and keep myself closed off, staying firm in my resolve.
Pippa was my priority.
Ciro was my past.
I could do this. I had to keep reminding myself I didn’t need him. Then I needed to believe it.
Paolo pulled the car along the curb in front of Alba’s place.
This was it.
“When I get in there, I’ll need to feed her. So just wait in the car and give me half an hour.” I stared out the window, waiting for a reply. When I didn’t get one, I turned toward him. “Ciro? Did you hear me?”
“I’m going in with you.”
“I only need thirty minutes to feed her.”
“I said, I’m going in with you.” He locked his unwavering gaze to mine. “I’ll be honest. I’m afraid you’ll take her and run out the back door or something.”
I laughed nervously. “You can’t be serious. I would never do that. Go on the run with a baby?” I laughed some more. “I’d never do that.”
“Really?” Ciro didn’t appear amused. “And how would that be any different than keeping her a secret from me?”
The blow hit me hard. The truth in his statement shredded me. Tears pooled in my eyes as I fought a sob building in my chest.
The contempt in his words, the grief on his face, it was too much. I looked away, breathing in deeply, and dried my eyes on my sleeve. The guilt I had tried to bury floated to the surface, leaving me raw and bruised.
“You never wanted kids,” I whispered, resentfully. “Why would I think you’d want Pippa? I was protecting her from heartache. From a father who would keep her at a distance and only send money in place of his love.”
“It wasn’t your call to make. She is physically here. She isn’t a hope for the future or dream. She’s real!” He slammed his hand on the seat in front of him.
I flinched, my heart racing.
Ciro grabbed my arm and pulled me toward him. Our noses were practically touching. “Don’t youunderstand? She’s real. I should’ve been with you every step of the way. Christ, Isla… I will never get that time back.”
I shook my head as the floodgates blew open. My ears had to be deceiving me. This wasn’t the man who wore an iron mask, keeping his feelings hidden. I didn’t know this man who seemed genuinely hurt and grieved.
The realization of my betrayal fractured my soul. And I couldn’t. I couldn’t look at him, so I squeezed my eyes shut.
“I’m going inside with you,” he repeated calmly.
I nodded, trying to pull my arm away, but he wouldn’t release it.
“Look at me,” he demanded.
I shook my head. I couldn’t. Not now, maybe not ever. “No. Just let me go. Please.”
He released my arm and cupped my face. Tenderly, he stroked my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs, his warm breath on my lips. I wanted to melt into his touch, into him, but I wouldn’t let myself.
He had shattered my heart and I had betrayed him.
We were two broken people who shared a child. Pippa bound us together for life. We needed to somehow be amicable for her.
“Look at me, Isla,” he demanded, again. “I’m sorry I yelled.”
“You have every right to be upset.” I found the strength to open my eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
His lips moved closer to mine.
