“Me, too.” I tried to smile, but I just couldn’t.
Luca, Rosa, and Wolf all left, leaving Jon and Alba with me.
“I have pain meds if you’d like,” Jon said, opening a black medical bag.
“No. I don’t want anything. I’ll need to nurse her when she arrives.” I pressed my hands against my breasts. The ache was growing more intense with every thought of my Pippa.
“Do you want to try to pump a little to relieve the pressure,” Alba asked. “I can help you.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” Jon said.
“I don’t have any of my things here.” I scanned the beautiful room. There were six guest rooms in the mansion, but I’d never seen this one before.
“Don’t worry. Rosa had a bunch of stuff delivered hoursago.” Alba pointed to a chair in the corner with a large stack of things on it.
“How long have we been here? What time is it?”
“After five. You’ve been sleeping a long time, which is the best medicine,” Jon replied.
“Can I take a shower?” The thought of holding Pippa after being in the hospital made me feel icky… Hospital germs and all that.
“Only if you let Alba help you. Don’t want you fainting or slipping in the shower.” Jon went to the door. “I’ll be down the hall if you need me.” With that, he left.
I suddenly felt drained and exhausted. But I would push through it all so I could shower and express a little of my milk, so I’d be more comfortable. Then I’d waitimpatientlyfor Ciro and Pippa to arrive.
Alba helped me into the bathroom, which appeared to be larger than my entire apartment back in San Francisco.
“Damn, every room in the place is massive.” She snorted.
I faced the mirror and gripped the counter and gasped in mortification at my face. “Oh, Jesus.”
“Is this the first time you’re seeing your face?”
“Yes. The nurses had covered the mirror at the hospital. I look like a bruised, rotting peach.”
“That’s quite the description.” Alba studied me. “What do you want to do first? Shower or pump?”
“Pump. It won’t take long, then I can shower before I run out of energy.”
“Good plan. You can take a little nap after you’re all clean.”
“That sounds great.” I might appear to be holding it together, but I wasn’t. Inside I was flipping out at the thoughtof criminals taking my baby. My mind wanted to go to dark places and it took every ounce of energy to not go there.
I had so many questions, but they could wait. I didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with anything more than the safe return of my baby.
Also, I didn’t know what would happen with Ciro. He had to be furious with me for putting our daughter’s life in danger after leaving the hotel. Hopefully, Luca was right. We wouldn’t have been any safer there, but Roy wouldn’t have had access to me at Ciro’s hotel.
But if I’d agreed to go to Canada, things might have turned out differently.
So many what ifs. I couldn’t drive myself crazy thinking “what if…”
My only concern was Pippa’s well-being. Nothing mattered more to me than her.
Of course there was the issue of her father, and I had no idea how I would deal with him. Clearly, Ciro had been right about being with him was dangerous.
His fear of losing someone he loved had come true.
47
