“I want to be the place you come back to. I want to be your soft landing place. I want to be…” Charlie blows out a breath, cheeks billowing like a chipmunk. “I want to be everything you need, but nothing at all. If that makes sense.”
It makes sense. I feel the same way. I want to spend every moment with him, but I also want to finally live my life for me and not answer to anyone ever again. I want to drive to New York City to see a Broadway show, sometimes alone, sometimes with him in the seat beside me. I want to see all the national parks with him, but sometimes take a trip on my own with River if we need a boys’ trip. I want to live my life beside him, but not for him, and I think that’s the key difference between Charlie and anyone else. Because I think Charlie would let me run and just wait for me to come back, standing there with open arms.
“Nolan wants me to tour with him,” I admit, a little afraid and a little proud. Charlie’s grin somehow grows even wider, full of pride and love. So much love. “He does little tours now, just smaller venues, but his newest album just came out a month ago, so they’re planning the small tour in January and February.”
“Can I come to a show?” Charlie asks, which is so perfectly him. Somehow, he’s healing my heart in ways I don’t think he ever realizes.
“You can come to every show if you want,” I promise.
Charlie sighs, leans against me, and looks back out at the horizon. The sun is sneaking up now, the sky lightening, the clouds making room for the sun’s grand appearance.
“I think I’d like to wait here for you. Most of the time.”
“Okay.”
Charlie turns back to me with the softest smile of all time. “I never paid attention to the sunrise much before you, but now I see it for what it is and why you love it so much.”
“Why do I love it so much?” I ask thickly.
“It’s a promise, yeah? That no matter how bad the previousday was, no matter how bad the night was, the sun will always come up. After every sunrise, there’s a promise of life.”
“Love,” I whisper.
Charlie’s eyebrows furrow. “Huh?”
“After every sunrise, there’s a promise of love.”
“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.”
“I love you, Charlie,” I say softly, but with more meaning than I ever knew possible. I don’t say those words lightly, and I don’t bestow them on many people. But it’s important to me that Charlie knows.
“I know,” Charlie says sweetly, tears in his eyes. “I can feel it when you look at me. I feel it in your kiss, in your words. It’s okay, Tucker. I love you too, very much. It’s okay to be afraid of love.”
“I don’t want to be afraid!”
Charlie turns toward me to kiss my forehead. “I think loving someone is always scary. If you weren’t a little afraid, I’d be scared. I want to be your home, if you’ll let me find home in you too.”
I pull away to look up at him, astonished by everything he is.
The ocean breeze washes over us, ruffling Charlie’s messy hair. We both turn back to the horizon, arms wrapped around each other, and watch the sun break over the horizon.
“Make a wish,” Charlie whispers against my temple. He presses a soft kiss there, and I take a deep breath.
“I don’t need to make a wish today. All my wishes have come true.”
I can feel Charlie’s gorgeous smile against my skin, warm and true, and I somehow get to watch the sun rise slowly up in the sky with the most important thing beside me. All thosewishes I’ve made all my life took their time to come true, but they did. After every sunrise, there’s a promise of love, at least for me and Charlie.
EPILOGUE
CHARLIE
Two years later
If someone had told me four years ago that I’d end up living in small town, America, by the coast, with a man who I can sometimes wrangle, sometimes can’t, and that all my dreams had come true, I would’ve laughed in their face. It’s funny how sometimes dreams come true without even realizing it. I also never thought I’d be retired before the age of forty, but I’ve decided to use my remaining years as a quiet partner in businesses. Maybe a few charities as well, including the nonprofit for the mainland for queer runaways. I spend a day a week volunteering, working with the kids, and somehow that’s more rewarding than years as a football player. Giving money to charities is my favorite part, after all, one doesn’t win four Super Bowls without having too much money to spend in one lifetime. But Tucker doesn’t like tospend my money, so it’s easy to funnel it out to other places, where it earns even more money before returning to me.
Speaking of Tucker…
I haven’t been in the same room as him for three months and it hurts, but I’m also so proud of him that the pain is sort of worth it. He’s a touring musician again, which brings him more joy than he realized. I guess having me to support his dreams made them easier to reach.
