CHAPTER ONE
TATE
Even a year after my divorce, the pain still stings like a fresh wound. But it especially burns at the idea of a romantic week in Tuscany to celebrate my half sister's wedding. Reconciling my joy for her finding happiness with the bitter pill of watching someone get a fresh start after my marriage crashed and burned, well, it’s seemingly impossible. At some point, I’ve stopped believing in love, assuming that maybe it’s meant only for other people but never for me. Evan made sure I stopped believing in love through our bitter, drawn-out divorce.
I am going to stop thinking about my ex-husband.
The affirmation hasn’t worked in a year, but if I say it enough, it’ll surely come true, especially since he’s not worth my time. The asshole cheated on me throughout our entire marriage and then had the gall to blamemebecause I “work all the time.” I’m an on-call cardiac surgeon with one of the largest hospitals in Portland, Oregon. Of course, I work all the time.
Anyway, I digress.
Tuscany for a week.
The beautiful hills of the countryside rise and fall outside the car window. Something about the sight eases the tight tensionaround my permanently cracked heart. I’ve tried so hard, for so long, to beenoughfor everyone. My parents divorced when I was twelve, my father remarried to Olivia’s mom. Now Olivia is the favorite, for which I can’t even fault her, because she’s perfect—bright sunshine after a long cloudy week, a sip of sweet tea on a hot summer’s day. And I’m excited to celebrate her for a week, so I just need to plaster a smile on my face and make do.
I tip the driver, grab my bags, and steel myself as I look up at the grand villa I’ll spend the next week in with close family and friends before the larger circle arrives for the wedding day and reception. Olivia’s marrying some fancy football player that also thinks the sun shines out of her ass, which it does, so at least he’s a good guy.
“Tate!” Olivia screams while running full tilt toward me.
At that moment, she looks so much like the toddler that had chased me everywhere in my teens that I could almost weep with grief over time lost. Time is an awful thief. I squeeze her tightly before tugging her away to gaze down at her. She smiles knowingly, then promptly flicks my nose, making me sigh. It's a game we’ve played since the dawn of time.
“Is Dad here?”
“Inside,” Olivia replies as she grabs my hand tight, turns, and promptly heads up the steep gravel driveway.
The sun is so bright, and the wind blows through the trees as it softly makes its way over the hills. Tuscany is beautiful, exactly what I needed after years tucked away in Portland, away from everyone. The large villa has twenty bedrooms in the main house and a few secluded buildings in the back for the family. No clue where Olivia will be putting me, but after the flight, a nap sure sounds nice. It’s like when I turned forty, my body decided that any time could be nap time. Probably a bit of the depression, too.
“How was the flight?” Olivia asks.
I shrug. “Normal. Beat to hell now, though.”
“I figured you’d need a nap, what with the time change. If you nap this afternoon, you can join us for dinner. By then, almost everyone should be here.”
Laughter rings out through the open doors leading to the backyard. I squint into the midday sun and shield my eyes with my hand to catch a peek at the mingling people down below. I can’t make anyone out, but they’re all having fun. Good for them.
“Hey, kiddo,” Dad calls out from where he’s sitting with a glass of wine on the shaded porch. Forty years old, and my dad still calls me kiddo. I can’t help but smile.
After a tight hug and some brief catching up about my flight, Olivia saves me by dragging me away from the porch to lead me up to my room. It’s one of the nicer rooms on the third floor, and the view of the hills sprawling behind the property is both simultaneously serene and magical. The room is airy and fresh, with cream-colored curtains that softly float in the warm, gentle breeze coming through the window. Yeah, this is just what I needed, even despite the lovefest the next week will hurl at me.
“Thank you for coming,” Olivia says softly.
I spin around to stare at her. “Why wouldn’t I come?”
“I know it’s hard for you to get away…” Olivia trails off as if just realizing what she’s said. Despite our age difference, we’ve always been quite close, and she listened to me sob over the phone for many nights after Evan broke my heart into pieces.
“I will always make time for you. Always.”
I kiss her cheek right before she leaves me alone for a nap. After showering the smell of plane off me, I stand in front of the mirror and don’t recognize the man staring back at me. Sure, it’s the same dark hair, a little gray sprinkled in now, and the same dark brown eyes, but I’m still wholly unremarkable. I’ve always focused more on my career than life outside of it. I’ve always done what I thought Ishould, not necessarily what I wanted. I love my job, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t knowwho I am outside of it anymore. For years, it was medical school, residency, a fellowship, and then just work, which finally burned my marriage to the ground. What do I want for the rest of my life?
For now, I want to have a nap.
I snuggle into the soft, downy bed, the gentle breeze fanning over me, the warm sun on my face, and fall asleep in moments.
When I rouse from my nap, I wake up in another world. The sky outside is a dark orange, turning purple as my eyes blink away the lingering haze of sleep. Muffled laughter floats in from below, and the smell of food makes my stomach rumble with hunger. God, I haven’t eaten in at least a day. Par for the course for me. Rubbing the last bits of sleep from my eyes, I roll out of bed and pad to my suitcase and garment bag that I tossed haphazardly into the corner. After dressing in cream linen pants and a dark blue button-down, I spend a few moments taming my dark, slightly curly hair. It’ll have to do, and at least my neatly trimmed beard is still holding up for now.
The same smell of food and the sound of cutlery greets me as I descend the steps down to the first floor. Olivia hastily exits the kitchen with a chilled glass of wine and a wide grin on her lips just as I’m wondering if I awoke in another dimension.
“I tried to wake you an hour ago, but you were dead to the world. Sorry, I know you’ll probably not sleep tonight now.”
