“Bad,” Nolan replies instantly.
Chris lifts his other hand to thoughtfully scratch his now full beard. “They won’t commit to no tour forever, but they have for the next three years. No tour. They’ll let you release an album without a tour, limited promo, to see if it’s worth it for them.”
“Alright,” Nolan says, sounding unsure.
“Good news is that they won’t sue you for dropping out of this tour. Insurance covers it and they had a lot on you considering… everything.” Chris doesn’t have to say it, all of us know. He sits forward a little. “But I also got them to agree to let you record here, instead of in LA.”
Nolan’s mouth falls open in surprise. “What?”
Chris raps the table with his knuckles. “Whatever house you build here, better include a studio. You’ll need to hire engineers and we’ll have to get Tyler out here for production, but you’re clear to record the next album here.”
“And what did they think about small venue tours? When I’m ready?” Nolan pauses and looks over at me. “If I’m ever ready.”
“We’ll consider it at that time.”
“When’s the next album due? I mean, I’ve already got one out there that’s just maybe six months old.”
Chris stares at Nolan for a heavy moment before leaning forward. “Kid. This is on your timeline. Do you understand what I’m telling you? You’re free. Make music when you want. They’re being stupid about the three-year timeline and nothing will come of it. Plain and simple, make music, and you never have to tour again if you don’t want to. Get it now?”
Nolan falls back against the booth, hand pressed to his chest. I rest my hand against his thigh, squeezing just hard enough forhim to know I’m here. That I’ve got his back. His eyes dip to the table for a moment before lifting back to Chris.
“I’ve never been free.”
Chris smiles slowly as he reaches across the table to take Nolan’s hand. “You are now.”
Nolan is somehow even morequiet as we drive back home. I can’t imagine how he’s feeling, to finally be able to do whatever he wants with his life. Not answering to anyone. Not being forced out on a stage for a horse and pony show. All he has to do is wake up, kiss me good morning, then decide what he wants to do for the day. What a life.
An odd sort of tension radiates from Nolan as he climbs the stairs into the apartment. The feeling follows us into the apartment, and eats away at me as I follow him into the bedroom. I stand at the edge of the bedroom, watching him turn in a dizzy circle, before coming to a stop to let his eyes land on me. His hands shake as he lifts them to run through his hair. Fuck.
Nolan lifts his chin to meet my eyes. “I need you to be rough with me tonight.”
“Okay,” I reply instantly, not wanting him to think for even a second that I’ll say no.
“I know you like a softer dynamic… That we don’t do it that way anymore. But I think sometimes I’ll need it. It helps me… helps my brain. And I talked about it with Maggie and she said as long as we talked it through, that we both consent, that it’s okay. Because we’re adults, in a healthy relationship.”
I blink slowly because those were a lot of words. “Nolan, you know I’ll give you anything you need. It’s always been thatway.” I step toward him, and loop my hands around his neck to squeeze. His pulse pounds against my skin, and desire shoots through me. He’ll always be everything I want. “Sometimes I’ll want to give it to you soft, slow, make you beg for it. Make you feel cherished and loved because you are.” I lean forward to breathe the next words into his ear. “But sometimes I’ll make it hurt for you because I think sometimes we’ll both need that too. Huh, angel?”
“Benji,” Nolan whimpers.
“It’s okay. If we both want it, it’s okay.”
I try my best to hide my nervousness, to be steady for both of us at this moment. Lifting his hoodie off, then his shirt, I shove him back onto the bed. When I tug my own shirt off, I find his gaze locked on me, heavy and hard like a smack to my face. His stare always carries the weight of a touch. I slowly unbuckle my jeans, watching as his throat bobs the more of me that I reveal. When my cock bobs free after shoving down my jeans and boxers, his gaze lifts back to mine.
“Make me feel it,” Nolan demands, voice low and rough.
“Don’t I always?”
Nolan nods rapidly as I roughly tug him out of his jeans, making him slide down to the edge of the bed. I lift his legs to my shoulders, running my fingers across the warm skin of his tattooed thighs. Turning my head, I kiss the inside of his knee, then bite down hard until he writhes and moans against me. Yeah, soft is nice, but I fucking love him like this for me. I let my other hand fall to his ass, cupping his cheek for a moment before landing a hard smack.
Nolan basically goes supernova. Head tilted back against the bed, eyes squeezed tightly shut, he’s everything beautiful and perfect in this world. At least to me. When I dip my thumb between his crease, my heart pounds, and my jaw clenches to find him already prepped.
“Nolan,” I say roughly. “Did you plan this?”
Nolan shakes his head furiously. “I thought maybe I’d need you to fuck me in the bathroom. If the news was bad. I wanted…” He swallows loudly when I dip my thumb inside him. “Wanted to be ready for you to fuck me against the bathroom door. Make me scream and cry.”
Jesus Christ. I drop his legs from my shoulders and roughly flip him over. The lube is where it always is these days, under one of our pillows. Nolan pants into the sheets as I lube myself up, barely resisting from just jacking myself until I come all over his back because fuck that Grim Reaper. Nolan is mine. I climb onto the bed behind him and tug him up until he’s kneeling too, this way I can wrap my hand around his throat as I fuck him from behind.
He gasps when I notch against his entrance and just push right in, past the resistance, past everything, until I’m almost all the way inside him. Our thighs brush and desire dances right down my spine at the closeness of our bodies. Will he never not make me feel this way? Not make me need so badly I could go mad? Even when I’m fucking him like this, it feels like making love, because no matter how hard I fuck him, it’s what we both want, what we need. Every version of fucking with Nolan means more than I can ever say.
