“I used to fuck Trevor,” Nolan says as if I don’t already know that.
“I know.”
Nolan’s eyes turn sad, but he darts his gaze away. “I was rough with him. I don’t think he liked it much.”
“It was a job.”
“And Eli? I never met him.”
I smile despite myself. “Eli is everything good in this world.”
“I believe it, the way you look when you talk about him.”
I swallow thickly, suddenly missing them all so much. “I miss them a lot. They’re… my family in a way.”
Nolan reaches out to pat my cheek. “You should call them. Say happy New Year.”
Nolan rolls up to sitting. He gives one final lingering look at the sky, before heaving himself to his feet with a withering sigh. I watch as he disappears into the hotel room, leaving the glass door wide open without a care in the world.
I pull out my phone because the urge to speak to one of my best friends is so strong, I could cry at the idea. Trevor wins the lottery today.
The phone rings before Trevor picks up. “Benji! How’s it going? I’ve been thinking about you constantly.”
“I… Trevor, I’m not doing so great.”
“Hold on,” Trevor murmurs quietly. The sound of him moving around filters through the phone. Distantly, I think I hear waves. “Benji, tell me.”
“Are you at the beach?”
Trevor breathes hard through his nose. “We’re all at Colby’s beach house.”
Oh. I wish I was there. I miss them all so much, even Jackson. “Nolan isn’t what I thought. He… Trevor, I don’t know what to do. I think I’m in like with him.”
“In like,” Trevor repeats carefully.
“Feelings are involved now. I want to keep him.”
“Oh, Sunshine.”
The sound of my real name doesn’t even piss me off, it just makes my heart miss a beat in my chest, painful and raw. “Did he ever seem… off to you? Like, not okay?”
“Every time,” Trevor admits, voice pitched low. “But I was an escort. What was I supposed to do? He paid me to fuck him andbite him and leave bruises on him. And he left those bruises on me too. That’s all it was with us. Nothing more.”
“He lets me see him.”
Trevor goes eerily silent. “What do you mean?”
“I think… Jesus, Trevor. I’ve got to save him.”
“I hear you, Benji. But I also don’t think you’re capable of handling this by yourself. I really think you need to talk to Claire.”
“No, no. I can’t tell Claire. She’ll… she’ll pull me. I can’t leave Nolan. I can’t leave him.” The idea of leaving Nolan is terrifying.
“Jackson’s here. He wants to talk to you,” Trevor rushes out.
I close my eyes tightly and press the heel of my hand to my forehead. My heart is beating rapidly in my chest. I feel sick like I could puke up all my internal organs. The sound of guitar filters out of the hotel room, prickling at my overwhelmed senses. God, I don’t know what the fuck to do. But I have to be strong. I can’t… Nolan reminds me of my mom so badly. When she was at her worst when I was a kid, I can’t see Nolan going through that, too.
“Are you safe? Did he hurt you?” Jackson asks, voice gruff and worried.
