“We had a closed adoption. I only know the details my parents have shared with me. I don’t know much about my father. Just that he was young, too.”
I set a timer on the oven, then walk around the island to stand beside Jackson. He wraps an arm around me and tugs me between his thighs. Dancing my fingers across his shoulder, I press my thumb against the tense line of his neck until he moans at my touch.
“Feels good,” Jackson slurs, eyes drifting closed.
I’m going to feed him and then put him to bed. Sex or no sex, I don’t care. I just need to get him into a bed where he can relax, considering he made the eight-hour drive all by himself.
Jackson’s skin is hot beneath my perpetually cold fingers, warming me from the outside in. His eyes close in bliss as I carefully work at the tension in his neck. I press a kiss against his cheek, needing to shower him with love like he always does me. A small, private smile, just for me, tips up the corners of his mouth.
Pulling away when the timer goes off is a form of torture. Jackson slumps against the island, idly patting at Honey’s head, where she lovingly sits on her haunches at his side. We eat in comfortable silence. The soft, early light of dusk filters through the back windows, shining on all the beauty of Jackson’s backyard. I try to imagine a life here with him, but can’t picture it at all. Picturing him back at my house in Clay Springs, older, with crinkles at the edges of his eyes, is beyond easy. He’ll have laugh lines that I put there because I’m so wildly witty.
Once we’re both done with our meals, I hurriedly clean up the kitchen. Jackson lets me undress him without a word, then tuck him into the large bed. Honey curls up at his feet, and I join them without a word. Sleep takes a while to come for me; only when I tuck my face in the crook of Jackson’s warm neck does sleep take me into her arms.
The absenceof Jackson from the bed startles me awake. Even in sleep, my body is used to his calming presence. Honey has also disappeared from the bed, sending my heart racing through my chest. I scramble for my phone, slapping wildly at it to readthe time. Just nine in the evening. We only got a handful of hours of restful sleep.
Just when I really start to get alarmed, Jackson strides out of the bathroom, skin dewy from a shower. His grin is devilish when he catches sight of me rumpled in his bed.
“Hello,” Jackson drawls, eyes intense and bright.
“Hi,” I squeak.
“I believe we had a deal before I fell asleep.”
“Oh.” Real suave, Harper.
“Still up for it?”
I look around the room, seeking out Honey. “Where’s Honey?”
His head dips towards the door. “She’s on the first floor with a rawhide and last year's puppy bowl streaming.”
“Oh,” I repeat like a real loser.
Jackson puts one knee on the side of the bed to lean over me. I breathe in a lungful of his clean scent, allowing it to suffuse through me to settle my nerves. Jackson’s eyes flit between mine, seemingly searching for something in them. His fingers tip my chin up so that he can give me a soft, tender kiss. All my nerves melt away under the onslaught of his sweet lips, the tentative touch of his tongue against my own.
“I want to fuck you so bad, Harper.” The words are a poem against my mouth, sweet and sultry.
“I want that too.” I lean up so he’s forced to stand back up. “I need a few minutes in the bathroom.”
Jackson lets me go without an argument, for which I’m grateful. Nerves send anxious butterflies to flight in my chest. Deep breathing only works until I realize we’re really about to do this. I’m going to finish all the prep, walk through that door, and have penetrative sex for the first time.
Sex isn’t something I’ve been saving; it’s just something I never entertained doing with someone. The thought never oncecrossed my mind. One-night stands are a hazard for someone with epilepsy. The list of things that could go wrong is a mile long. I’ve never let someone close enough to me to even entertain getting this far. Somehow, Jackson made it through, and here we are.
I stare at myself in the mirror, the freckles, the scar, the messy auburn hair. Jackson looks at me and wantsmeafter all the experience he has. It’s hard to believe that… he could want me. Maybe after tonight, he’ll realize I’m not worth the pain. Not worth the trouble. I close my eyes tight to stop the thoughts of comparing myself to his previous lovers, his clients.
Soft music plays from speakers in the ceiling when I step through the bathroom. Naked as sin, Jackson lies back on the bed, hands tucked behind his head. At the sight of me naked, his head tilts to the side, tongue peeking out to lick at his lips. His lips curl in a wicked smirk, wiggling his fingers in a come-hither motion. I watch transfixed when he grips his cock tight, letting out a groan as I step closer. Jesus. I have that effect on him? Me?
Because I’m gangly and clumsy, I almost trip walking towards the bed. Jackson’s not an asshole, so thankfully, he ignores it. I climb into bed with him, eternally grateful when he wraps a hand around my neck to bring me down for a firm kiss. His thumb tugs my jaw open so he can lick further into my mouth, his tongue searching out every morsel of me it can get. A violent shiver rolls through me, just from his lips sliding across mine.
“Come here,” Jackson murmurs against my mouth.
His large hands splay over my hips, easily lifting me to straddle his lap. My heart pounds so violently in my chest it must be visible from space. Jackson shushes me softly and runs his hands up the expanse of my ribs, coming up to cup my face between his overheated palms.
“I was tested a few weeks ago. Your safety matters more to me than anything in this world. If you want a condom, that’s what we’ll do. If you don’t want one, then know you’re safe. Everything about tonight is up to you.”
Red-hot desire sweeps through me at the idea of him fucking me without a condom, his cum inside me. Jesus. My fingers dig into his chest, leaving half-moon indents from my nails. Jackson’s grin turns feral, teeth flashing in the soft light of his bedroom.
“Oh… Harper. You dirty boy. Do you want Daddy to fuck you without a condom? Fill you up with my cum until you’re bursting?”
