“Hold it. Then let it go. That’s it.”
With each exhale, a little piece of my anxiety dissipates. We keep going, repeating the cycle until my breathing regulates some.
“You’re doing a great job.” He squeezes my knees. “Keep going. In... and out. That’s better.”
Nash’s calming tone tethers me to reality, giving me something to cling onto amidst the chaos of my emotions.
Gradually, my panic lessens. The uncomfortable unease still lingers, but I don’t feel like I’m about to pass out anymore.
“How are you feeling now?”
“B-better,” I manage to whisper. “What was that thing you did? The rumbling thing?”
“It’s…” He looks embarrassed, rubbing his neck. “It’s a… bit like an alpha bark. A low frequency sound that’s supposed to help calm omegas. It just… came out.”
“It saved me.” I pat his muscular bicep and lean in to snuggle into his chest. “I don’t know what happened. I was looking for Jagger, and…” My breath hitches.
“It’s okay.” Nash wraps his arm around me in a protective embrace. “He went into town to grab breakfast for us. He’ll be home any minute. He’s coming back. I promise.”
Breakfast. Of course. Why the hell didn’t I think of that?
“Shit.” I scrub my face with my hands, rubbing my tears away. “I feel like such an idiot.” I can’t look at him, so I concentrate on my wringing hands. “I haven’t had a full panic attack like that since…” I swallow hard, trying to banish the memory of Jagger leaving Grand Point Lodge.
“You’re not an idiot.” He cups my cheek. “Being parted from your scent match can be deeply traumatic, even when you’re unbonded. It’s natural that your body responded that way when you perceived a threat.”
“How did you know how to talk me through it?” I ask. “You knew exactly what to do.”
Nash avoids my gaze now, his shoulders sagging. “You’re not the only one who was left behind when someone they loved left.”
His scent quickly changes, his usually sweet marshmallow and crackling fire turning into a smoky blend of burnt wood.
“Robbie…” I raise my hand to his face, stroking his cheekbone. “I’m so sorry.”
“The years after it happened were tough.” He puts his huge hand over mine, a deep sadness turning down his brows as he attempts a small smile. “Whenever I saw something that reminded me of him, I… struggled to control my emotions.”
“Oh, Nash.” I can see his anguish. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“It used to be the smallest things that set me off. Seeing his shoes in the hall. His favorite TV show coming on. Walking past the girl he used to crush on. Sometimes the panic attacks were so bad that I’d be afraid to leave the house in case something setme off.” He lets out a deep sigh, like he’s been holding onto it for years as he rises to take a seat on the sofa. “But slowly, with time and practice, I learned how to handle my emotions. Eventually, the panic attacks stopped completely.” He runs a hand over his head. “And I came to the realization that although there was nothing else I could do for Robbie, I would do everything within my power to keep those I love safe.”
I go to him, snuggling into his warm chest.
“And you do such a good job of it.” I gaze up into his mesmerizing, Caribbean Sea eyes as his scent returns to normal. “You look out for everyone.”
“If you ever feel the panic setting in again,” he runs a hand through my hair, “come find me. I’ve got you.”
In the hallway, I hear the front door click shut. Seconds later, Jagger strolls into the room, an enormous brown bag in his arms and boxes from Springflour Bakery. He takes one look at my tear-streaked face and drops the bag, food rolling across the floor as he races over and drops down in front of me.
“Delilah?” His tone borders on hysteria. “Are you okay? What happened?”
“I’m fine.” I sniffle. “I just had a… moment. I thought that you left.”
“I’m never leaving you again, rainbow.” Jagger cradles my face in his palms, his eyes darting around my face. “Ever.”
“I… I believe you,” I say, although my voice shakes. “But my body… It just reacted when I thought you were gone.”
“What more can I do?” Jagger’s anguish hasn’t subsided, his eyes wet. “If you want me to bond with you right now to prove how committed I am, I will.”
I almost choke on air, his proclamation catching me off guard.
