“Let’s go to the couch.”
I cupped her ass as I stood and carried her to the living room. When I sat on the couch, she moved beside me, rested her lower legs across my thighs, and leaned against the pillows. Instinctively, I caressed her legs with both hands.
“This conversation is a long time coming, baby. I’m all ears, but take your time.”
She blew out a breath as she fiddled with her fingers. I waited patiently as she inhaled and exhaled deeply several times.
“When I was ten, me and Rue were out riding our bikes. We rode through a construction site that our mother told us to stay away from, and there were all sorts of tools in the area that we had to ride around. I tried to maneuver around something, but didn’t see that there was a big, sharp metal piece on the other side. My tire hit a rock or something, and I fell onto the metal piece. It pierced my stomach and hit my uterus. It was the most painful thing I’ve experienced. I lost a lot of blood, and it was touch-and-go for several hours, but I survived. But the scar tissue on my uterus . . .”
I thought about the tattoo she had on her stomach and how she always tensed when I touched it, and how she didn’t like to talk about it. She’d been looking at her hands as she spoke and finally looked me in my eyes. I knew where this story was going, but I waited patiently for her to confess the words she’d probably been avoiding since she learned the news.
Tears filled her eyes and eventually trickled down her cheeks. I could see the torment on her face as she struggled to finish her story, and it hurt like hell because there was nothing I could do to fix this.
“C’mere, baby.”
She straddled my lap again, resting the uninjured side of her face on my chest. I rubbed her back softly, giving her a moment to release her emotions. When she lifted her head again, her eyes were puffier than before. I cupped her face and softly pressed my lips against hers.
Through tears, she said, “Russ, I—I can’t—I can’t have—have kids. I know how much having a family means to you, and I can’t give?—”
“Shh, baby. Don’t cry.”
I placed soft kisses on her cheeks and gently wiped her tears away before wrapping her in my arms again and consoling her. I didn’t know what to say, because nothing I said would fix this. We sat there for a long time, with her crying into my chest and me doing my best to soothe her.
“Do you have anything to say?” she asked with her head still on my chest.
I didn’t answer immediately because I wanted to choose my words wisely.
“I’m sorry that happened to you, baby. I wish there was something I could do to fix it because it’s obvious this has been tormenting you for a long time.”
“Since I was fifteen.”
“Is that when you were told?”
She nodded. “My mother and I spent the whole day together after she told me, then we went to the spa, went shopping, and had a nice dinner.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t easy for her to do.”
“She said it was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do. Of course, I was devastated, and the only time I’ve ever cried more was at their funeral.”
“I’m pissed at myself because, clearly, I haven’t shown you the depths of my love for you. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever change how much I love you or my desire to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“Really?”
“Really.
“But I can’t give you the family you?—”
“You are my family, baby. If I can’t have you, nothing else matters. If we decide to have a family, there are other ways to make that happen. I don’t know . . . Maybe we were meant to share our love with kids who have no one to love them, but I do know this: If I had to choose between not having a family withyou or having a family with someone else, I’m choosing you all day, Rose.”
“Russ,” she said through tears.
Her arms went around my neck, and she held on tight while she released years’ worth of tears. She’d probably been putting on a brave face since she was given the news ten years ago. Although I didn’t bring up the topic of children very often, I was sure that the times I did took a toll on her, both mentally and emotionally.
“Let it all out, baby,” I urged as my hand softly moved up and down her back.
My shirt was soaked when she finally lifted her head again.
“Can I tell you something?” she asked.
