“Is that so?”
“Yes. I’ve been the picture of virtue.” He raises a single brow at me, as if to say,oh really, with the things we’ve done?
My blush magnifies, and I face forward, gazing toward the city’s skyline. The Elizabeth Tower, illuminated in golden light and housing Big Ben, stands proud, thestunning spires of Westminster just beyond, and in front of us on the left is the giant Ferris wheel that spins tourists around at a leisurely pace while they observe the sight of London sprawled out before them.
“Do you want to go for a ride?”
Tieran’s low voice breaks me out of my daze. “What?” He nods toward The Eye, and I get his meaning. “Oh, no. That’s a gimmick meant for tourists.”
“It could be fun.”
“Someone might see us. We’re already being reckless, walking around and touching each other the way we are.” I may not be as recognizable here as I am back in the States, but it has happened a few times, and I wasn’t with a six-foot-four, absurdly hot rugby player who is fairly famous in this country then.
His expression turns severe. “I don’t want to hide what you are to me.”
“And what’s that?”
“Everything, Jade. You’re everything.”
My heart stalls in my chest. The way he’s looking at me as if his world stops and starts because I’m alive is not something I’m used to, and I’m starting to get drunk on the feeling of his open adoration. He’s so free with his feelings, so uninhibited, with no expectations of me.
I must be silent for too long, because he jumps in before I can respond and tugs me forward. “C’mon, Hellfire. It’s late, and I’ll bribe the uni student running the line to give us our own car. Let's go do something we’ll never forget.”
Maybe I should be worried about the mischievous glint in his eye, but I’ve come to realize I don’t care what happens, so long as he’s by my side for it all.
As it turns out,there was no need to worry, because the carriage attendant at the massive Ferris wheel didn’t even look up at us as we approached, and hardly any people were in line due to the late hour. Even still, Tieran smoothly slid a hundred quid into the young man's hand, who didn’t bat an eye as he counted the money and motioned for us to get on the carriage that was slowly approaching.
The egg-shaped bubble has a single bench in the center surrounded by windows, allowing panoramic views of the skyline, and it’s moving so slowly, you can barely feel it at all. I walk around the whole space, the skirt of my dress swishing along the floor as I come to stop along a pane of glass facing out. Parliament is sprawled out on the right, the Tower of London on the left, with Tower Bridge spanning the gap between the two. God, this city is beautiful.
I absently wonder what my life would have been like if I had grown up here instead of back in Maine. Even if my dad had chosen to move home after the divorce and I just spent summers and holidays here, who could I have become?
Tieran settles in behind me, close enough that I can smell his cologne, fresh, with a bite of sandalwood and cedar. “Stop thinking so hard.” His armswrap around my waist, and his lips find their home, placing a soft kiss on the exposed side of my neck. My eyes close at the contact, and I settle into him further, placing my hands over his on my waist.
“It’s hard to turn it off sometimes,” I admit.
“So tell me about it then.” His chin settles on my shoulder while his arms tighten around me.
“I don’t think I know what I’m doing anymore.” The admission comes out as a whisper, but it feels like an explosion dropped into the middle of the room, sending debris throughout my carefully curated world. It’s almost like finally speaking the things I've been feeling out loud releases this toxic gas of truth that slips through my grip when I try to gather it up and shove it back inside.
“Keep going.” Tieran nudges me with a nuzzle to my neck, sending shivers snaking up my vertebrae and raising all the tiny hairs on my body.
“Until I came here, I didn’t realize how backwards my priorities have been—how alone I’ve felt my entire life.” In the distance, London sparkles under the light of the moon, bathing everything in its cool glow. “I’ve been living my life on auto-pilot for so long, I never second guessed if I was on the right path—if what I was doing was truly whatIwanted. Everything I did was for other people. What do they want to see? Will they like this outfit? How will they react to the breakup? Should I go to this event because it will help my image? It was exhausting.” I take a deep, fortifying breath. “But when you live your life through someone else's lens, you’re really not living, are you?”
“No,” he breathes against my temple. His exhale almost feels like relief, and I know he must be thinking about the dad he loves who always worked too much and wasn’t present when he was home.
A hollow ache settles in my chest, forcing me to be honest with myself. I never understood how loud the loneliness was until he came into my life, and everything went blissfully quiet.
“I almost missed all this.”
“What?” he asks.
“Life.Friends.” The word huffs out of my mouth, the taste of it foreign on my tongue. I guess it was before I moved here. I think of Aanya and Lottie, unable to imagine my life without random wine nights or having them screaming profanities that make the men around us blush during a match. I think of Myles and Cavan, who have displayed superhero levels of loyalty to the people they love. And then, I think of Tieran, an unexpected wrench thrown into my metaphorical machine, clanging around my hollow insides and disrupting everything about the way I view the world until I was forced to see the potential in what it could truly offer me—not what I could offer it. Tears threaten to spring to my eyes because, despite my resistance, he never wavered in his quest to show me I am worth loving.
Thisis what it’s all about.
Not the business deals or the zeros in my bank account. Not the accolades from people who don’t know me. Individually, all those things are great accomplishments, but without people to share them with, they don’t have meaning.
Tieran places a kiss on the crown of my head. “What does the woman who has everything want out of life, Jade? You want the moon? I’ll lasso it down from where you hung it. You want a quiet life? I’ll get us a house out in the country where Pebble can run around in the garden out back and nap on the wildflowers. Whatever it is, say the word, and I’ll give it to you.”
