After the phone was ringing, I placed the call on speaker.
“Uh, hello?”
Thinking on my feet, I pinched my nose, before speaking. “Hey, is this Earline?”
“Yeah, this is she,” Jah’s granny responded.
“You got a grandson named Jahrein, right?”
“Of course.”
“Okay, well, I’m just calling to tell you that you better tell your bitch ass grandson something. Cause he got me fucked up, and I don’t mind coming over there to slap him and you.”
I muted the phone, as Jahrein roared with laughter. I was also giggling uncontrollably.
“What a minute, now, lil’ bitch! You’on know me like that. I aint ya mammy. You don’t call my phone with that bullshit, cause I aint the one. Now, don’t make me call down to the phone company and get ya phone turned off.”
I unmuted the phone. “Pssh. Lady, you must got Alzheimer’s. You can’t turn this phone off. Now, watch your mouth, before I come over there and straighten that crooked wig out for you.”
Jahrein’s shoulers trembled as he laughed quietly.
“You aint straitening out a damn thang for me, with ya nappy headed, wide back, slew footed ass. Ion play with kids and fucking with me, ya mama gone lose them welfare benefits y’all collecting over there. You lil’ wanch.”
“Alright, keep talking and I’ma have Mr. John paying the rent over here—”
“Baby, now I know you talking out the side of your neck. I collects John’s whole check and gives him pocket change to keep. So, unless ya rent is 50 or 60 dollars, then John aint got it. Aint no pussy buying on my watch.”
I pursed my lips. “Then I’ll just have him pack his bags, and then I’ll start collecting those checks.”
“And they’d have to peel me off your ass,” granny scoffed. “Just like the last bitch I had to cut. You slanging out Jahrein’s name, but he should’ve told you that aint them other grannies. I’ll call around and get you evicted from that rat infested house you live in.”
I could hardly contain my laughter. “And I'ma call Medicaid and tell that you be selling your pain pills.”
“Now, hold up, bitch! You gon make me fuck around and come find you—”
Not being able to hold the laughter, I ended the call.
Right after, Jah’s cell was ringing. Smiling, he answered on speaker.
“What’s up, granny?”
“Jahrein, why the hell did some gal just call me, talking crazy?”
“Who?” he played it off.
“I don’t know. They blocked the number, but whoever it is, they got me fucked up. Talking about calling Medicaid. The crusty panties having bitch got the right one.”
I silently snickered.
“I bet not find out who it is, cause I’ma get Raven to knock that wanch on her ass.”
Jah sucked his teeth. “What is Raven gonna do?”
“Pop that hoe in the nose, just how she be doing you.”
That’s when I slid off the couch with laughter
“Man, let me call you back, granny,” Jah mumbled, before ending the call.
