“It don’t have nothing to do with you.” I admitted. I felt like they were having one of those interventions, like I was a real live crack head. After that shit I couldn’t see myself getting high again. I just couldn’t see it.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Jahrein paid for me and April’s lawyer. Since April already had a criminal background Jah asked her to claim the cocaine. If she didn’t we’d both still end up doing a little time. He promised her that he’d put money on her books and make sure that she wasstraight. Surprisingly, she agreed and only had to do two weeks in the county jail. Before she went to do her time Jah gave her three thousand dollars.
I actually got out of that situation without any trouble. That made me promise to never look at cocaine again. Jahrein was being extra hard on me. I couldn’t go anywhere without him, and he took the kids out of daycare so that I would have them the entire day. I no longer had all that free time on my hands. He would show up to the house throughout the day to make sure that I wasn’t doing anything. I couldn’t even get upset about it, because I’d brought it on myself.
Then, I really fucked up when I told him how I was introduced to cocaine. He flipped out and actually got some girls to jump Shell and her sister. And then forbid me to talk to them. He went on and on about how no true friends would encourage their friend to do cocaine. He swore that most of the bitches around the way ultimate goal was to corrupt me. I kind of thought that he was crazy. Let Jah tell it, the whole world was plotting against us.
Once again I was under lock and key. Every move I made was watched. All I did was sit around and eat. True, Jahrein had created a comfortable life for us, so staying at home wasn't the worst, but I was itching to get out in the streets again. I missed Shell a little, but I realized that I couldn’t hang out with her if I wasn’t doing the same shit she did. It just wasn’t possible. I think that deep down he loved the fact that I had fucked up, because he had complete control again. He was even coming home extra early, wanting to fuck all night long. I guess that’s how he we ended up with baby number three.
I wasn’t even thinking about a baby. I had been on the shot, so I knew that shit wasn’t slipping through the cracks. You see, that nigga Khalil had a valid point. Jahrein was probably intentionally getting me pregnant, so I went out of my way to prevent it. But all it took was one missed appointment and I was a goner.
I actually considered getting a damn abortion, but that nigga could smell the baby all over me. I was only two weeks late and he was already telling me that I was pregnant. I hadn’t even confirmed that I was late. He just knew.
“We gonna have us another boy.” he kept bragging to anybody that would listen. I would just roll my eyes at him. Then when I tried to smoke a blunt with him he went nuts. “You got me fucked up! You aint getting high, while you’re carrying my baby.”
“I aint pregnant.” I argued, as I sat next to him on our couch. “Come on, Jahrein. Stop tripping.”
“Naw, you the one tripping. I aint seen you bleed in a minute and now you want to blow one? Naw, you must be losing your mind.”
“Jahrein, you killing me. Every time I say I’m sickyou pregnant. Every time I say I’m craving something.You pregnant. Every time you fuck me.You pregnant. Nigga, aint no baby coming out of this any time soon.” I said as I patted my snatch.
“Prove it.” he whipped out a pregnancy test.
He had it hidden underneath the couch. I know that he had that planned. Of course, it came back positive and he was grinning from ear to ear. I think that he was more excited than ever before. He told me that we were prepared for this one and the timing was right. I was like, yeah, for your ass.
I was still far from twenty-one and was popping out baby after baby. Hell, I still had some months, before I’d even be eighteen. Oh yeah, and we were getting married on my birthday, he informed me.
I can’t lie, I was excited. I loved him. That will never change, but why was he trying to keep me barefoot and pregnant?
Chapter 10
(Bad Habit/Kelly Rowland)
“How many times are you going to apologize about the same thing? And how many times can I take it back? When I’m not the one that’s doing wrong?”
2002
After I had my baby boy, Jahrae Ty Braxton, who by the way weighed eight damn pounds, I was right back in shape. Yeah, no matter how hard Jahrein tried he couldn’t even put a stretch mark on this body.
I was just eighteen with three kids, and still looked like I didn’t have any. I wanted to be doing something other than being a mommy, but everything I tried; he shot it down. I wanted to get a job or something, but Jah was tripping about that. According to him, his woman didn’t need to work. We constantly bickered about that. So, I finally figured out a way to get away from home for a few hours. I enrolled in college. He couldn't hate on higher education. Then the kids had to go back to daycare. I waited until Jahrae was six months to do that, though. Hell, I only went to class half the time. I just wanted to do something those other girls my age did.
I was stunting on those hoes at TSU. They didn’t know shit about a bitch like me. I was driving an Acura utility truck that made them bitches turn green with envy. Then I was sitting on twenties.
Niggas stepped to me daily. I loved the attention. That was until myhusbandmade his appearance on campus. Yeah, Jahrein was true to his word andmarried me on my birthday. That shocked the hell out of everybody, including myself.
Jahrein always swore that he was gonna make me his wife, but honestly I figured that it was all talk. It wasn't like I was pressuring him. The idea of marriage actually scared me. I didn't know if I was adult enough for that type of relationship.
I remembered asking him the morning of the wedding. “Jahrein, are you sure that you wanna do this?”
We were lying in bed, as he grabbed my hand and clasped our fingers. “There aint too much in this world I'm sure about.”
He stared intently into my eyes. “But this...I know. It aint a doubt in my mind. This is what gotta be done. You have to have my last name. Aint no and if's or but's.”
I gulped. “How...can...how can you be so sure?”
He stared at the ceiling, as he gripped my hand tighter. “Cause I know that I aint never gonna stop loving you. Shit, you been my wife.” he faced me. “Just making it official. Letting these boys know that they aint got nothin' coming. This shit is for life.”
