He licked his lips. “Answer this for me, mama.”
“What's up?”
“You love living in the projects?”
I waved my head.
“Are you ready for a change?”
I nodded.
“Are you worthy of a better life?”
“Of course.”
“Well, act like you know.” he chuckled, before tossing a set of keys into my lap. “Welcome home, mama.”
My jaw dropped. “Noo, Jahrein.”
He nodded with a huge Koolaid smile. “Yeah girl. This is us.”
Tears formed in my eyes, as I gazed at our very first house, all nestled away in the suburbs. Life was crazy. People had written us off as kids having kids, but what they didn't know was that I had a real man. At that verymoment I realized that he was dead serious about this us thing.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Living in the burbs was a complete change of pace. There were no more frequent knocks at the door, or drama to witness. After a few weeks I couldn't take it, anymore. So, I linked up with Shell, and got myself involved into something I never envisioned myself doing.
“Yeah Raven, you can’t handle this shit. This here is for women.” Shell teased.
“Bitch please. Anything that you do I can do better.” I blasted.
“Now, you know that Jahrein will kick your ass. You can’t do shit without his permission.” she jabbed at me. She was forever fucking with me about Jahrein. She would always remind me of how controlling he was, and how he had me scared to live.
I was with Shell at her sister’s apartment. Those hoes were lifted and I kind of wanted to get on their level. I knew that taking drugs was flirting with danger. I was just so tired of people assuming that I didn’t have the guts to go against the grain.
“What the hell are y’all on, anyway?” I asked Sheena, Shell’s sister.
“Something that you can’t handle.” she replied.
“Let me be the judge of that.” I told her.
“Raven, please. You just started smoking weed. How you just gon jump in the big leagues?”
“Bitch, let me try that shit.” I said seriously.
“Fuck it.” Sheena hunched her shoulders. She pulled out this small package of white powder. She then poured it out on the table. She used a card to organizethe shit in lines. She then rolled up a dollar bill and placed it up to her nose and sniffed the cocaine. “You see how I’m doing it? That’s what you gotta do.” she instructed.
I wanted to walk on the wild side so I tried it. I hit one line and I didn’t feel shit so I hit another then another. After the third hit I was fucked up. I had never been that high in my life. I felt like taking both broads into my arms and giving them huge hugs. I had found myself a new friend.
Shell was laughing and clapping her hands as she talked on her cell phone. I guess that I was amusing to the crazy bitch. “Oh shit. Jahrein would shitbricksif he knew what your ass was doing. I guess, little Raven trying to act bad. Now all you need is a nigga on the side. Then you can really fuck with a bitch like me. What? No, nigga. I was talking to my home girl. I don’t know if you can come though. Where your wife at?”
I had to laugh myself. The last thing I wanted to do was be anything like Shell. She hopped from man to man. One bad relationship after another. And when she wasn’t in a relationship she was fucking someone else’s man. Her life was anything, but perfect but I found myself sometimes envying how carefree her life could be. If anything I wanted to know what that felt like.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
After I acquired a taste for cocaine I started stealing again. I figured that I wouldn’t be spending too much of my own money that way. It wasn’t hard to do since I was no longer in school. I decided to go ahead and get my G.E.D. I passed it on the first try. I could’ve stayed in school but it was becoming so boring. I felt so mucholder than the other students there. My kids were in daycare, so I still had plenty of free time on my hands.
Jahrein was always in the streets, so he didn’t trip as much. Our home was rather nice, and was in a decent neighborhood. But I felt like it kept me too far out of the loop. I was happy that Jah had made a name for himself in the hood and was making some real money, but I didn't appreciate becoming this kept chick. We couldn’t have anybody at our house, and I was supposed to be like a homemaker or something. That shit was beginning to get on my nerves. I was turning into a bit of a thrill seeker, so the last place I'd be caught was at the crib.
