Tyra’s self-value was in the pits of hell. She accepted the bare minimum. And the smallest gesture was going to be misconstrued, which was why I hesitated on doing too much for her financially.
Frankly, I knew that if I was carrying her how I was capable of, I’d have Tyra and JJ up in a house in the burbs. Have her driving something foreign, and have JJ in a good school, just like the rest of my kids. But…I couldn’t bring myself to do that.
For one, I knew that I’d never fucked Tyra unprotected. Then Shell had messily told me that Tyra had poked holes in my condoms, which made perfect sense. So, the bitch had basically raped a nigga.
She’d forced her way into my life, so the last thing I wanted to do was reward the bitch. I would never understand why some women would play those type of games. Like men were supposed to love all their kids equally. No matter who the mama was. Or how the child was created. Perhaps that was because it was different for them. They carried the babies in theirwombs and had a certain connection. And usually that bond was solidified, regardless of who had fertilized that egg.
For me, I knew that I loved my kids so much because they were created out of love. I’d wanted them. Prayed for them, actually. In fact, with every baby Raven had for me, I felt like our love multiplied. Our kids were a direct reflection of the love we shared. Living and breathing reminders. And JJ represented the exact opposite.
It was fucked up, but JJ represented me at my worst. I’d been outside, doing fucked-up shit behind my wife’s back, after I’d made a vow before God. I knew that his very existence would crush Raven, and Tyra had intentionally gotten pregnant, hoping to do just that.
The craziest part was that, even if it wasn’t Raven, then it still would’ve never been Tyra. So, it would’ve made more sense, if this was about the money. That I could’ve understood. And if that had been the case, then I would’ve funneled hush money her way, funded her lifestyle, while keeping my distance. But that wasn’t what Tyra wanted. She wanted me to look past my own feelings to consider hers. She wanted me to treat JJ just like my kids at home. She wanted acknowledgement and validation. Which was why she was living in my old stash spot, versus something that could’ve actually been hers.
I’d learned a while ago that Tyra was extremely delusional. Doing anything for her would be taken as a sign that I felt something for her. So, I was careful about what I provided for her.
As a man, I couldn’t leave JJ high and dry, so Tyra inadvertently sometimes benefited from the things I’ddo. After she found herself homeless, I’d allowed her to stay in my apartment, which was supposed to be temporary. But she hadn’t shown any signs of trying to get her own place. I was still paying the bills there, so she didn’t have any. I also bought all JJ’s clothes, and toys. Then she got food stamps and shit. So, I guess that was enough for her not to get up and go to work.
Ironically, Raven would’ve never been satisfied with waiting on somebody to hand her scraps. But Tyra wasn’t ambitious and spent most of her time worrying about my fucking business.
Realistically, Tyra was never supposed to be more than a fuck-buddy, and somebody I took on road trips to traffic my dope. That suited her. But somehow, she thought that because we were cool, and I allowed her to make extra money to stay afloat, that we had something special, and a baby would intensify that connection. Whole time, I was just being me, not going out of my way to do much, and never saw her as a prospect.
Dealing with Tyra was a task, because everything with her was emotionally charged. I had fucked her and her cousin. On my end, it really wasn’t that serious, because Melissa had become nothing more than some girl that I used to talk to. So, in my eyes, I could fuck whoever, even if it was her sister. It was on themnotto fuck with me. Of course, on Tyra’s end, that looked like betrayal, and it probably was. So, now, she was a pariah, and she often tried to make that my problem.
I honestly didn’t give two-fucks around Tyra falling out with her people. If I had it my way, Melissa would’ve never known that I’d fucked Tyra, and they both could’ve continued on, being dizzy birds. Tyra’s need to be validated is what ultimately ruined things.She clearly didn’t care about keeping things on the low, and hadn’t considered how that might look to other people. So, her family looking at her differently was her doing, but I ended up having to step in when things got crazy with her uncle, and he shoved Tyra, while JJ was in her arms.
And now, she wasn’t close to her family, and wanted to lean on me. In fact, she was seemingly obsessed with me spending time with JJ, while she herself didn’t seem to have much motherly instincts. In my eyes, she was never wild about the idea of being a mother. Don’t think that she even liked it. That was just the only way she could cozy up to me, so she ran with it.
At the end of the day, JJ was a pawn in Tyra’s twisted games, and I was forced to face the ugliest parts of myself. Especially the part of me that struggled to connect with my own flesh and blood. I honestly did things out of obligation, but often wished that Tyra would move on, find a man of her own, and then that man could be a good step-daddy for JJ.
Shit, I would’ve still paid their fucking rent, just to keep Tyra away. Because she was a thorn in my side, and had threatened to tell Raven several times, especially when I’d drag my feet about coming to see JJ.
I wasn’t the type of nigga who worked well when a woman was trying to grab me by the balls. So, I was no longer the nice guy with Tyra. Most of the time, I was a real-life asshole, as I tried to create boundaries. I had been trying to show the girl that we had nothing between us, and would keep my dick in my pants.
Had I slipped up in the past? Yeah. But that had been a minute ago, and it had now been over a year sinceI’d slid this dick in Tyra, but nobody believed me. Not even my boys. Because they swore that Tyra had to be holding on for a reason, and I just wasn’t keeping it real. Meanwhile, Tyra was just borderline obsessed, and was so deep in her delusions that she believed her own lies.
Now, I was stopping by as a pacification. I’d show my face, before doing a turnaround. Just enough to keep her at bay, and away from my wife. And that shit felt like work, more than anything. So, I often dreaded crossing that threshold.
Using my key, I unlocked the door, before waltzing into the apartment. Just as expected, everything was tidy, but never was there a aroma of food floating through the air. Tyra didn’t cook. JJ mostly ate happy meals. Honestly, I could see the detachment, and I honestly didn’t know what to do with it. Overall, JJ would be the one to end up with the shorter end of the stick, but I was virtually powerless in the situation. Especially while he was kept a secret from Raven.
In a perfect world, I would’ve brought JJ home, let my wife and kids get familiar with him, and assimilate him into our family. If that was possible, then I knew that Raven would’ve taken full control, and Tyra would’ve had to go directly through her. But life wasn’t sweet like that, and my Raven could be downright vindictive when she felt like she’d been wronged. And I honestly felt like if I ever brought JJ home, then Raven would intentionally go out and let the next nigga get her pregnant. That’s just how far she’d take it, and I couldn’t have that. So, for the time being, JJ was stuck with half-assed parents, with no village to speak of.
“Aye-aye,” I announced my arrival.
After a full minute, Tyra came sauntering into the living room, wearing nothing but a thong. “Hey,” she yawned, while taking a long stretch, causing her titties to bounce. “What’s up?”
Being that she was completely topless, I knew that she knew exactly what she was doing. “Where JJ?” I questioned with a frown.
She yawned again. “Taking a nap.”
“Oh, well…shit. Tell him that I stopped by.” I turned to leave.
She sucked her teeth. “Nigga, for real?”
“What?” I glanced over my shoulder.
“You can’t fucking wait to rush out of that door. You haven’t been here in weeks, Jahrein.”
I turned to face her. “That’s mostly because I was out of town. You know that.”
