“What?” I replied as I turned to face him. He had tears in his eyes. I hadn’t seen him cry since he was a teenager.
“You’re not going to let this come between us, right?” he asked all choked up.
“Jahrein, come sit down.”
He took a seat right next to me. “Would you like it if I had a tape floating around?”
“No.” he shook his head.
“How would you feel if I had two niggas fucking me?”
“I would kill them and hurt you.” he answered seriously.
“Okay, so why would you do something to me that would devastate you if the tables were turned?”
“I guess that I was being selfish, baby.”
“You were being selfish, huh?”
He nodded yes as he stared at the floor.
“So, when does it end? Is this something that I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life, Jahrein?”
“No.”
“Do you want me to leave you?”
“No.” he snapped as he lifted his head and glared at me.
“So, why aren’t you doing everything within your power to keep me?”
“Baby, I’m trying. I’m done. You hear me? It’s a wrap. I aint playing around no more. You are my air. Raven, I can’t breathe when you’re not here.” he said as the tears slid down his face. I wiped them away.
I didn’t take those tears as a sign of weakness, but as a testimony that he felt for me deeply. “You know that it hurts to feel that you can’t be satisfied with just me.” I whispered.
“Baby, that’s not the case. Just think about it. I can’t even lay next to you without being inside of you. Everyday you become more beautiful to me. I love you so much that I just want to make a million babies with you. I can’t even describe the feeling it gives me when I know that you’re carrying around a life that we created together. Since the day you moved in with us I knew that you’d be my wife. I told Jalero that after you’d been living with us for a week. That’s when he started saying that you were his sister. Remember that? After you gave me your virginity I told all my boys that I had the finest girl in the world, and I was the only nigga to ever touch you.
You was always my little star, and sometimes I feared that one day I wouldn’t be good enough for you. So, I thought that if I kept you close no one could ever take you. I would pay Shell and a few other people to tell me your every move. I would pass by wherever you claimed to be as I spoke to you over the phone. It drove me crazy if I didn’t know where you was. A nigga was insecure. Niggas was always saying “Man, you got one bad ass broad and one day she gon leave your ass.” and I was always trying to make sure that you never had the opportunity to do that. I sometimes cheated strictly out of fear. You had a nigga way back in ‘98 and I was scared of the feelings you gave me. I knew that you had the power to hurt me like no other person, so I fucked around. I was like “Okay, if she do fuck over me, it won’t hurt as bad.” So, in a strange way I was trying to protect my heart. But now I see that I didn’t have to do that. I know that you love me and it’s not about any of that dumb shit. You was mature enough to trust me with your heart but I couldn’t do the same. But baby, I’m ready. I know better now.”
“I hear you, Jahrein. I hear everything that you’re saying. I’m not ready to go anywhere, but I don’t ever want you to get too comfortable. I love you with all my being, but I will not sacrifice my happiness. So, don’t trip if your well ever runs dry. If you want me to stay you have do what it takes to keep me. Plain and simple.”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
“Girl, your ass need to get out more often. You are pale. Shit, you damn near yellow.” Michelle told me as we sat in Pappadeaux’s eating lunch.
“Raven, I told your ass that you’d have about six or seven kids before you’re twenty-one.” Joy teased.
“Fuck you.” I laughed enjoying our little outing. I hadn’t hung out with either chick in a while. I was chewing down on my shrimp and crawfish fondue. While I’m pregnant I don’t play when it comes to my food.
“Girl, you are so greedy.” Michelle continued to tease.
“Fuck the both of y’all. We’re hungry.” I giggled.
“We know.” they both said in unison.
I was there trying to be supportive for Michelle. She and Lucky were having some major problems. Mainly, it was because of their finances. She didn’t work, so he was the sole provider. He had taken a couple of loses and was having trouble recovering. Michelle complained that since the funds were slowing the abuse was increasing. He even went so far as to ask her to help set some niggas up. She refused and he whipped her ass. So, she was sitting in the dark ass restaurant with shades on her face.
A few cute guys walked past us to get to their table. The tallest one winked at me. I blushed a little bit. I was rocking my long brown and blonde streaked hair just like the late Aaliyah, so my bangs hung over one eye. I always tried to look my best and it paid off. It was good to know that I had options although I wasn’t going to utilize them.
