Jahrein would get me anything I asked for, by hook or crook. And when he did have money to go shopping, he would buy him and me some shoes or whatever else. I guess that Ray-Ray thought that he was taking his big brother role seriously.
The only thing that got on my nerves was his jealousy. It was crazy, because he always seemed so nonchalant when it came to those girls he messed with before me. However, no one could even look my way, without him spazzing out. He even got my daddy to whip me one day, because I was hanging out with the girls down the street. And he didn’t want me going anywhere with them.
He actually lied, telling my daddy that we were hanging in the house with boys, and there was drug use going on. He was telling bold faced lies, but my daddy believed him. Jah just didn't like that I was hanging out with those girls, who were a couple of years older, and often chilled with the boys in the neighborhood. They were all mostly attractive chicks, and they were exposing me to life outside of Jahrein. He cut that short, though.
At that point, all I did was lie in the bed, with him all day. My daddy hustled from dusk ‘til dawn, and Red worked during the day, so Jah had all the time in the world to have me to himself. I got used to him regulating my day, so I went with the flow.
He didn’t even like his friends hanging around for too long. If they did visit, he would either accuse them of watching me too hard, or demand that I stay inside my bedroom.
“It aint nothing but niggas in here, Raven. Take your ass in the room somewhere.” He’d always say.
Usually, my come back was, “Well, I’m about to go outside. You don’t run me.” That would result in him shoving me in my room or putting his friends out.
Jalero was the only person in the house that knew our little secret. He idolized his big brother so much that you would have to pull teeth to get the truth out of him.
I eventually fell asleep with Jahrein on my mind. By that morning, I was fully energized. I planned on leaving before Jah woke up and catching the bus to the mall with Shell from down the street. She was a real cool chick that just walked up to me one day, and asked me if I wanted to hang with her at the park. Ever since that day I would kick it with her. I think that Jahreindisliked her more than any of the other chicks I hung with. I knew that he probably would try to stop me from going anywhere with her, but he was overruled this time. My daddy said that I could go, and he even gave me three hundred dollars to shop.
Just when I thought that I was having a carefree day, Ray-Ray announced that I would not be catching the bus, and that Jahrein and Jalero would be coming along. I was a little disappointed, because I was looking forward to catching the bus. It made me feel a sense of independence.
Not even all of that was going to stop me from going, though. I put on my lime-green and blue plaid shorts, my white halter-top, and some mid-rise blue, white, and green Jordans. I placed the top part of my hair in a ponytail and let the rest hang. Lero was so cute with his little Nike outfit with the same Jordans as me. Jahrein was wearing a blue and green FUBU jersey, with some FUBU blue jean shorts, and the same Jordans as mine.
My friend Shell rode with us as my daddy dropped us off at Sharpstown Mall. He told Jahrein to call him when were all ready to go home. There was a movie theater there and several restaurants, so there were plenty of reasons for us to be there for hours.
"Raven, don’t leave out the mall without telling me.” Jahrein commanded, as if he was somebody’s daddy, while we entered the mall.
“Whatever.” I waved him off.
“Yeah, whatever my ass. You better not leave out of here, girl. And don’t let me catch you talking to no niggas, either.”
“Jahrein, I got her.” Shell offered, like she was somebody’s baby-sitter.
Jahrein frowned at her, almost like the notion of her speaking to him was offensive.
I was so glad when we separated. However, Shell’s mood seemed to change once we were alone. As we were walking through the mall, she started talking about Jahrein, who had taken Lero to the barber’s shop inside the mall.
“Girl, Jah’s bitch ass is trying to ignore me on purpose.” she complained out of nowhere.
“Why do you think that he’s ignoring you?” I asked her, because as far as I knew she had no reason to be concerned about him, or him about her.
“Because, we used to go together. Don’t tell nobody but I fucked him a few times.” she giggled. This caught me by surprise. I definitely didn't know that. I mean, she seemed cool, but maybe she was hanging out with me to be closer to him. It seemed as though I could not find a chick on their street that wasn't trying to get with Jah. Shell was a cute girl with medium brown skin, freestyle braids, and a nice body. I could just see Jahrein tearing that ass up, because honestly I knew his type. He loved pretty girls, with curves. That's why I didn't understand why he'd dated Ciara.
I wasn't even mad at Shell, because she was a couple of years older than me. So, with her I was able to kick it with high-schoolers, and go to parties with older teens. That counted for something. If she messed with him, it was before my time so I wasn't going to hold that against her. I wasn’t concerned about her with Jah, because he didn't seem to have any interest in her. Besides, she was a freak that had fucked every other nigga on their street. She had a story to tell about each of them, and she thought that the shit was cute howthey conveniently forgot about her after she opened her legs. Now, I was only thirteen, but I was far from dumb. Maybe little girls in Fifth Ward did grow up quicker, but whatever it was; I knew that Shell was being played left and right.
After I bought a few little outfits, we decided to go to the food court. There we saw Jah who had apparently run into a few of his boys. They were all standing around, hollering at the girls while Jalero ran around the tables, with some other little boy. Some tall yellow girl was all in Jahrein’s grill. I aint gonna lie, she was very pretty and it made me feel less attractive. That was until I saw my reflection in one of the glass windows. No, for real, I know that I am pretty and she was on my level, but it was different because she was Jah’s age, and seemed to have more confidence.
The guys with Jah had never met me, and were trying to get my number. Within seconds, they were rushing me. For once Jah didn't try to intervene, because he was too busy talking to that girl. Even with all that attention from those boys, a lump grew in my throat. Jahrein was really into her. They were touching each other, and he was smiling from ear to ear. The same way he did with me when we were alone.
“Look at this bitch.” Shell mumbled to me.
I didn't know what to do. I wasn't supposed to care about what he was doing, but at the same time he wasn't about to treat me like some young girl that didn’t know any better. I was trying to hide my attitude, because I didn’t want to give Shell any signs of me caring about whom Jahrein fucked. I decided that I could get myself a few numbers and find myself a boyfriend, because obviously Jah wasn't mine.
One tall dude caught my attention. He was smiling and revealed dimples just like mine.
“How old are you?” I flirted with my eyes.
“Fifteen.” he smiled. I was glad to finally meet a cutie closer to my age.
“Why you choosing this little nigga, lil mama?” a dark skinned boy asked me.
