“Man, that nigga aint crazy. He knows damn well that I wouldn’t even let shit go down like that. But what’s all this about you fucking with Killah?”
“Daddy, whoever I choose to talk to is my business.” I spat.
“Raven, you and Jahrein are husband and wife. I don’t even have to tell you that what you’re doing is wrong. You know it. Killah is dead wrong for even fucking with you just on strength that you are my daughter. That nigga knows better. Then you of all people could’ve made a better choice. Do you honestly feel that he’ll do you any better than Jah did? Then you have seen these niggas throw blows over you and then you go and have that man’s kids around his enemy. You think that shit is going to roll over nicely?” Ray-Ray asked me.
“But daddy, Jahrein had another baby on me. Why do I have to set boundaries for him when he set none for me?”
“Raven, you’re sounding like a little girl right now. It is time for you to think and act like a woman. Jahrein was wrong but two wrongs don’t make a right. You have five little kids. Why bring all that extra confusion into their life? Now, if you really want to be done with him that’s on you, but don’t get with a nigga just like him. If that’s what you trying to do, then you need to stay with your kids’ daddy.”
What Ray-Ray said made a lot of sense. I hadn’t planned on getting closer to Khalil, but it just happened.
“But I aint trying to fuck with Jahrein right now.” I told Ray-Ray.
“I understand that, but what you doing right now aint working. If Killah’s really digging you he’ll wait until you tie up these loose ends. Those kids should be your number one priority right now. Then you needto make a decision about your marriage. If you decide that you don’t want Jahrein then you end it. I wouldn’t listen to thatovershit if I was still hitting it. You the one making shit more fucked up than it should be. Handle all that shit first, before you bring another nigga into the picture.”
I didn’t like that Ray-Ray knew what he was talking about.
“It’s not like I’m trying to get married to the next man. We’re just kicking it.” I glanced at Khalil. He was sitting next to me and was clearly listening to my conversation. He gave me a look when I made that comment.
“Well, Raven, I hope that y’all work this shit out. I honestly feel that you need to give your husband another chance. We’re all human and make mistakes. I was calling you so that you could bring the kids out here. Jahrein wants to see them. I’ll make sure that I’m here so that he won’t try anything. Just bring them out here tomorrow.” Ray-Ray ordered instead of asking me.
“Okay.” I breathed.
“Okay, well you think about what I said. Don’t walk around thinking that the grass is greener on the other side, Raven.”
“I won’t.” I said as I hung up.
“Ray-Ray trying to tell you to stop fucking with me?” Khalil frowned.
“Well, you already know that he doesn’t like that you are closer to his age and you used to run with him. He feels like you should have had enough respect for him to not look my way.”
“Man, Ray-Ray kills me with that shit. It was alright for Jahrein to fuck with you while y’all was under his roof, but I can’t fuck with you while you’re a grown ass woman?”
“Khalil, Ray-Ray had issues with that at first. The thing was that he couldn’t change the fact that we had a baby together. It helped him to look at it realistically. My daddy really feels that Jahrein loves me, so he feels that as long as there is love, we should try and make it work.”
“Do you want to make it work?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I mean, I’m hurt and I don’t know if I can get over it. I really can’t picture myself playing step mama to another woman’s child that fucked my husband. That’s a hard pill to swallow. It wouldn’t be right for me to demand that he has nothing to do with the child, but that’s how I feel. I don’t want that little boy around my kids or anything.”
I don’t think that Khalil liked my answer very much. He was expecting for me to magically have Jahrein out of my system. Anybody with a lick of common sense knew that things just weren’t that simple.
“So, what are you saying?” Khalil asked searching for clarity.
“I’m saying that I don’t know what I’m going to do. I definitely don’t want to make promises to you. So, if you’re here for a good time for as long as it lasts, then we’re all good.”
“But what if I want more?”
“Then I might not be the one to give that to you.” I answered honestly.
“That’s fucked up, Raven. I’m falling for you and you tell me some shit like this.”
I sat up on the couch. “Khalil, take a real good look at our relationship. I am still married to a nigga that hates you and is not trying to let me go. You have been around my kids for a minute now and they still trip with you. The road is not going to get easier. Now, you ask yourself if it is really worth it.”
He licked his lips. “Come on, mama. Why would I waste my time if I felt that you wasn't worthy?”
I shrugged.
“On the cool, I fucks with you, girl. A nigga been having his eyes on the prize for a minute. I sat back and watched you blossom. In all these years I aint never heard about you being out here on no reckless shit. You held it down for that nigga. He just wasn't smart enough to realize that loyalty wasn't that easy to come by. You was never the ordinary bitch walking down the street, and he was supposed to carry you like that. Me...I aint no angel. I won't bullshit you like that, but I know what I want. And if I had you in my life permanently I wouldn't see those bitches. Tunnel vision like a muthafuka.”
