“Well, I feel that we’re better than this. If you have a problem, then talk to me about it. Don’t just shut me out.”
I wanted to just close my door, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. So, I moved away from the door to allow him in. He crossed my threshold and saw all of my kids staring at him.
“Oh, you have your whole little crew over here.” he commented with a grin.
“Yeah.” I nodded.
He turned to face me. “I know this is not the reason that you’re avoiding me? Is it? I knew you had kids since day one. I wouldn’t look at our thing any differently because they’re here now.”
“It’s a little deeper than that.” I whispered. “Khalil, I am married. So, it’s not as easy as telling someone that it’s over when you’ve built a life together. Jahrein doesn’t even know that I talk to you. And do you honestly believe that we can have any kind of functioning relationship after he finds out?”
“I don’t know how he’ll react, but it’s not fair for you to live a certain way to make him happy.”
“We still have to raise our kids together, so I’m trying to keep the confusion down.” I searched his eyes for some understanding.
“Well, you are not being fair to me, then. I wouldn’t even be here right now if I didn’t care about you. I know that it will be a bumpy road, but I feel that you are worth the ride.”
I didn’t know what to say. I’d been enjoying myself with him, but I never thought about a future. I didn’t quite know what I wanted to do and didn’t want to lead him on.
“Khalil, I don’t know where this is going. I don’t want to jump from one situation to the next.”
“Raven, don’t let him fuck it up for the next nigga. I would never do anything to make you unhappy. Why can’t you just take a chance with me?” he pleaded.
“Mommy, I want some chips.” Jahrae whined interrupting our conversation.
“Okay, hold up.” I told my son.
“Who are you?” Jhyrah asked Khalil as she stared up at him.
“I’m your mama’s friend.” he told her with a huge grin.
“You know my daddy?” she asked him.
“Yeah.” Khalil chuckled.
“What’s your name?” Jhyrah asked.
“Jhyrah, shut up. Leave that man alone.” Junior expressed to his younger sister as he tried to pull her away.
“No, I wanna tell my daddy him name.” Jhyrah snapped as she yanked away from him.
“Girl, go sit your ass down.” I gritted. This caused her to burst into tears.
“Hmmm. I want my daddddyyy.” she sobbed over-dramatically.
“Whhhaaa!” Jahlero cried from his swing. I made my way over to him and picked him up.
I could handle my kids, but they were giving me hell while Khalil was there. I thought that after a few minutes of the chaos he’d run for the hills, but he stuck around. He tried to interact with the kids, but they were all acting like he was the boogie man himself. The only one that wasn’t really tripping with him was Jahreiah and that was because she was too young to be biased.
Khalil went out and bought the kids extra toys trying to make things smoother for me. He wasn’t realizingthat their problem was his mere presence. The only person that they were willing to share my time with was their father.
Chapter 16
(The Ex-Factor/Lauryn Hill)
“It could all be so simple, but you’d rather make it hard. Loving you is like a battle and we both end up with scars. Tell me who I have to be to get some reciprocity…”
2004
