“Breathe, mannyenska. Breathe,” Sebastian soothed, holding me back against his chest that rose and fell behind me steadily. I leaned into him, into his breaths, until ours became rhythmic. I shivered against him. His arms tightened around me until his warmth finally managed to melt through me. As my shaking subsided, uncontrollable sobs spilled from me, taking me under churning waters. Sebastian ran his hand through my hair, over and over.
A part of my soul withered away, crumpled up into a dead mass. The weight a gentle reminder of what would never come back, of what was waiting for me on the other side.
Alaric had said it had been years, and I felt every single one.
Sebastian held me until my cries bled out into exhaustion, until the blood that dampened my nightgown grew cold.
“What does drenlunne mean?” I whispered, my throat raw.
“My light.”
I exhaled with a fresh trail of tears.
He helped me up as I struggled to stand, my legs long numb from sitting for so long. I went to Alaric’s desk, pausing before it. I opened the top drawer. All it contained was a stack of letters, the first oneaddressed to me.Dove.The ones at the bottom of the stack yellowed from time.
I sat on the leather armchair with Sebastian behind me, his hand on my shoulder. I opened the letter on the top of the stack. It was dated the day before the attack on the manor.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Sweet dove,
Though you may think me a delusional man, I have an all too unfortunate grip on reality. And I feel the need to write you on this day, because I may not be able to deliver the words to you directly. I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time. As the years went by, I couldn’t stand to see him lie to you, especially with all that he had done to you in the name of his self-preservation. My hatred for him grew, pushing me to depths of rage I couldn’t withstand. You may have become acquainted with my presence one year ago, but I’ve known you for quite some time, twenty-six years to be exact. The day of your birth. Upon overthrowing a monster, I couldn’t stay in Svealin. I couldn’t even exist within the world of Dreigo. I can’t unsee what they did to her. I see it everyday. My world is a vicious reminder of the monsters that haunt it. I worked with an old magic to get to your world, though I couldn’t get back to Dreigo, and I needed an open door to exact my plans. I came across a pitiful, lowly man by the name of Arthur Windsor. His businesses were failing, and he grew attached to his luxurious lifestyle. He was willing to do whatever it took to keep it. Just what I needed. To open a portal between worlds requires one from each world to spill blood. He was hesitant to use his own, and upon seeing his pregnant wife, I saw my opportunity for collateral. I did not trust this man, not with what he was willing to do. He was like me, and I wouldn’t trust me. He didn’t want to appear suspicious once this mysterious portal opened, but no one would question an infant that happened to be born with gray hair and gray eyes. The portal required blood, but it also required a sacrifice. I lost my warmth. You lost your color. We came to an agreement. I would supply him with a problem, and he would leave me to overtake Kilthorne. I brought all who had wronged me through the portal, setting them free for your fatherto hunt. His Society of hunters grew quickly, and he needed more prey, more vampires to prove to the king he was worthy. I turned a few humans, figured I’d need to build an army anyway, and I could spare a few. As this vampire problem spread across Kilthorne, the king funded your father and his Society to get rid of them. Over the years, he started picking off vampires I did not authorize. He was getting far too comfortable in his role, not remembering his place. So, I came for you, sweet dove, 25 years later. Though I didn’t expect to become bewitched, completely enraptured by the beauty deemed unacceptable by her own kind. And though I meant to swoop in swiftly and harshly to make my point to your father, I couldn’t bring myself to face you. I couldn’t mar the only light through my darkness. I made myself known in small ways at first, and I’m sorry, my love, but I quickly became captivated by your fear. I needed more, until I lost myself in it, until it was too late. I wanted you to look at me the way you watch your sister paint, the way you get lost in a book, and the way you admire your friend’s strength. Instead, you look upon me with fear, like the monster I had always aimed to destroy. I didn’t know how to come back from that. I wanted to use my darkness to defeat darkness, though it only created more. Any attempt at escape only dragged me in deeper. As I watched you suffer with all that I had done, I realized I set you on the path I had once traversed. I couldn’t let you go any further. Would you have believed me if I simply told you that your father was a monster? No, I didn’t think so. I had to show you, but you couldn’t see it. I hope you see it now.
Upon my death, word will travel quickly to the king. I have messengers set in place to expose your father.
You can close the portal, dove. You just need to spill some blood, and for the sacrifice, you need to pick a side. My world may have been my hell, but it could be your refuge. I hope you find your place, drenlunne.
Sebastian will love you the way you deserve, the way I never could.
If you’re reading this, you’re finally free of your demon.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Warmth fell from my face to the parchment, smudging the ink. The black swirling within the liquid cut through the crisp lines, falling off the page like blackened tears, taking his words with their descent. My throat ached with the unending sobs I wanted to succumb to. Sebastian slid his hand from my shoulder to my throat, squeezing lightly. The action oddly comforting. I grounded myself with his touch, taking a breath before thumbing through the other letters.
I opened them with shaky hands. It was correspondence between Alaric and my father going back twenty-six years. The last letter was right before the attack on the manor. It was my father’s response to Alaric reminding him of his place, and he did not take it well.
Once I set the letters down on the desk, Sebastian scooped me up in his arms and held me in his lap as he sat on the bed. I stared at a blank spot on the wall for a moment.
“My father,” I whispered.
“I’m sorry, mannyenska.” He pressed a kiss to my temple.
“I need to get to him before the king.”
It felt like holding a breath. I needed to see my father’s face. I needed to see what it looked like when I told him I knew. I needed to hear what he would say. I couldn’t breathe until then. I couldn’t let the blade sink in yet. As if his response would dictate how I fell apart.
My eyes fell to Alaric, the wound freshly torn once more. I looked back to Sebastian. He read my face. “I’ll take care of him.” He brushed the hair from my face, his touch a beam of light through all that fell dark within me.
We looked into each other’s eyes in silence, saying all that roiled inside us like crowding storm clouds.
I’m sorry you lost your brother.
I’m sorry you lost a part of your soul.
Word would spread of his death soon. We didn’t know who the messenger was, but they could be well on their way to the king now.
* * *
