“You asked for it.”
His thrusts create a rhythm I attempt to follow but fail. He moves fast but controlled, and despite his latest statement, I’m getting the sense this isn’t him being rough. This is his controlled version because he’s still holding back for my first time.
His forehead drops to my collarbone before he nips the skin there. He reaches between us, circling my clit with his thumb,which makes the knot in my stomach unfurl, my orgasm pushing past the strange sensation that is sex.
“You’ll come like this.” It’s a command and question all rolled into one, and he pinches my clit until white spots decorate my vision and my core pulses around his length. He does it again until I cry out, somehow actually managing to orgasm during my first time.
Friends never reported that. They said it’s rare the first time. I should have guessed, because nothing about Lev is uncomfortable.
With my orgasm, he moans into my skin, and his thrusts lose any sense of pattern before he comes too. The veins in his arms pop, his grip digging into my hands to the point of bruising.
I love it.
Lev drops back down to kiss me tenderly, the complete opposite of what he’s done so far. His tongue strokes against mine, and gently, he slides from inside me and removes the condom to discard.
“I can’t believe I orgasmed the first time. I don’t think I would have if you weren’t touching me.” The words pour out before I realize that beneath the facts, there may be a slight insult there, like I said he wasn’t good enough just being inside me. Panic clawing my throat, I rush to add, “I mean?—”
He kisses my forehead with a smile depicting more than only tenderness. “Most women don’t their first time—or so I’ve heard. I get what you’re trying to say. Next time, we’ll see how your body reacts.”
My heart flutters a bit. “Next time?”
“You broke me, Fina. Broke me and patched me up all at the same time. I won’t be able to stay away unless you tell me to.”
So he’snotrunning. It’s a bigger miracle than having sex at all.
Lev lowers onto the bed beside me, tucking me into his side like it’s the most natural thing in the world, which contradicts everything about him. His arm rests around me, rubbing circles on my hip.
“I could go.” Leaving is the last thing I want, but if he needs space, I’ll respect that.
His arm tightens. “Don’t you dare. You’re going to sleep here so I can watch over you.” Despite his words, he pulls away and ignores my protest to disappear into the bathroom.
Water runs, and then he’s returning with a warm cloth. He climbs back onto the bed and parts my legs to gently wipe. “You may be a little sore tomorrow.”
He finishes cleaning me with the utmost care, his motions gentler than anything ever felt. It’s a strange look on him, but it’s welcoming too. From his furrowed brow, he thinks so too.
Once he’s back from discarding the cloth into the bathroom, he reclaims his place beside me, pulling me into his side. My head lands over his heart, the gentle thumping becoming Lev’s theme song.
Exhaustion begins tearing at me—finally. To think, this night began with me tossing and turning in my bed next door. Yet now, sleep is unwelcome, because I can’t rest yet. Come morning, I’m not sure what to expect from him, no matter what he claims tonight.
“You said something earlier… ‘You quiet the noise like no one else ever has.’ What’s that mean?”
He turns from my hair towards the ceiling. His body grows tense beneath mine, so I stroke his stomach, hoping for once, touch soothes rather than aches.
“You’ll be the first I’ve ever told, though Ana suspects. When I first mentioned it to my papa many years ago, it didn’t go well. My head…” Ten full seconds pass. “There’s something wrong with me, but I don’t know what. Testing won’t change anything,so I never bothered. It’s been happening for a long time. I react to things differently than Ana or other people. Things easily overstimulate me. There’s this…this near constantbuzzingin my head that keeps me awake at night and distracts during the day. It’s the reason behind my sleep issues, or my preference for being alone. Crowds stress me out because there’s too much to focus on, and I never know how to act or what to say. To help, I count or tap. Numbers relax me.”
His hand moves beside mine, his index tapping the pattern I’ve watched him do countless times. Now, it all makes sense.
“Pretty sure numbers are behind my computer obsession. Everything has a place. Zeros and ones make them up. Networks, tech… When others struggle, they makes sense to me. But you…” He sucks in a breath, turning his head until his lips brush my forehead. “From day one, you’ve done the impossible. You make the buzzing go away. Your touch eases rather than stresses. So,da, you quiet my mind in the way no one ever has before. It’s one reason I agreed to being your security; I needed to get close to you, to figure you out. To understand your effect.”
So much about Lev’s personality makes sense. Others might be offended to hear a job protecting them was agreed upon for the other to solve the mystery, but it’s very Lev.
“What conclusion did you come to?”
“I haven’t yet, and I may never. Which is fine. It’s all you, Fina. I don’t know why or how, but something aboutyoumakes whatever’s wrong with me better.”
It sounds like he’s undiagnosed with something, but I don’t know enough psychology to even begin guessing. Really, none of that matters, because I wouldn’t change a thing about him.
Behind his explanation, my own issues arise. He agreed to come to Italy becauseIasked for him. Curiosity aside, if I never asked, he wouldn’t have had the chance. He left his house, aplace he’s comfortable in, to do a job in a strange place, despite his own struggles.
