“Zeno.” This must tie into his ‘internal issue’.
His chin dips, his nod barely decipherable. “Don’t ask. Please don’t make me lie to you. I called him last night. He was landing in Moscow to visit Vanessa but immediately turned around. He should be here by this afternoon.” Lev lifts to his feet and crosses the room to his bag, retrieving his wallet. “I’ll go get food.” With his fake student ID digging into palm, he glances over. “I wanted to go when the dining hall opened, but I couldn’t leave until knowing you were alright.”
“I’m not hungry.” Thirsty still. Tired. “You need to slow down for two seconds. You look like you’re about to pass out.”
Ignoring me, he starts for the door. “I’ll be back.”
Before he manages another step, I throw myself to the end of his bed, catching his wrist. “Wait. Just…wait. Sit for a moment. Seriously, I’m not hungry.” My fingers wrap his skin, nails brushing over numerous tattoos and scars decorating his arms.
“You need to eat and dress before your brother arrives.”
“I get it, but fuck Zeno for two seconds.” I tug again, imbedding my nails into his wrist to force him down. After some hesitation, he lowers onto the mattress beside me. Presuming I’m crossing some line, I anticipate him pushing me away as I inch closer and lean against him. “Even if you got food, I doubt I’ll have the energy to eat. You should rest too. You look exhausted.”
“Thanks,” he mutters dryly.
“You know what I mean.”
“Da.”
When he doesn’t move, I inch even closer, enough to rest my head on his shoulder. For now, Lev’s all I have and all I need. His brand of comfort. A bit distant, but warm too.
His hands resting on his lap draw my attention to his knuckles. He’s done so well making me feel better, and if only I could do the same. Already, I’m crossing lines long drawn; me touching him probably goes over another.
“Remember when you denied me being a burden?” I brush a finger over his. “You’re hurt—again—because you saved me.”
“Some marks are worth it. These ones are nothing. If it meant your safety, I would have allowed myself to be injured much worse.”
“You shouldn’t have to. If I was smarter about all this—if I admitted his name sooner or didn’t go off with him last night. If I instead looked for Amara.” Who I need to message later and figure out what the hell happened. “I didn’t think…”
“You couldn’t have guessed. There’s only one person at fault, and it’s not you.”
“Still.”
“Still nothing. Your blame burdens me, Fina.”
He knows what he’s doing with that comment.
We sit like that for a while until finally, I doze.
It doesn’t feel like long before I’m lifting my head from Lev’s shoulder with a bashful smile. He’s stiff, his dark eyes colder than earlier. The vulnerability he allowed me to see is once again locked behind gates.
He moves and gathers his wallet. “Your brother’s plane is close to landing, and you need to eat. You should shower while I’m gone.”
A few minutes after he leaves, I slide from bed to stretch. In the corner opposite from where he was sitting is a balled-up sheet with my ripped dress on top. Beside it is my discarded bra, and I realize with embarrassment that Lev would have seen me basically naked last night.
I gather the ripped dress and bra because they’re not his problem; he’s done enough. I carry them into my room. My phone is plugged into the charging cord, because even amidst everything, Lev is that thoughtful.
I check it for messages, presuming Amara would have texted when realizing I was missing, but there’s nothing. It’s with a hollow echo in my chest; I type out a message.
Me
Hey, how was your night? We got separated, and I didn’t see you again?
Beside the message, a tiny red exclamation mark appears, suggesting it didn’t send.
I try again and again, and by the third, I give up.
Strange.
