“For?”
“The talk.” I shrug, downplaying what tonight truly meant to me to not make things weird between us. “Listening to me. You’re the only one I ever told any of that to. I don’t even know why it came out—to you, of all people, now of all times. Plus, for everything tonight. It could have gone worse, so in a way, you’ve saved me again.”
His lips pull up at the corners. “Don’t thank me for saving you. Such an act doesn’t require gratitude. As for you telling me all that, I’m glad you got it out, that you’re coming to trust me.” Playfully, he makes an X over his heart. “Whatever you tell me stays between us.”
“Seriously?”
“I vow it.” Other people would sayI promise, but of course, Lev isn’t like them. He’s unique and talks so strange. Abruptly, he reaches for the TV remote, bringing it between us. “Maybe a show will help wind us both down, something to distract you from tonight.”
“Good idea.” Still thrown by the suddenness with which he moved on from the previous topic, I let him switch the TV and flip through the channels until landing on some rerun of an old Italian show Madre used to watch.
My mother tongue fills the room, yet Lev never turns on the subtitles. He stares at the screen with a strange intensity, like he’s not really seeing.
After a few seconds of watching him, my head rests on my crooked elbow on the back of the couch.
And after a few minutes, I fall asleep.
17
LEV
She passes out quickly, which was the intention behind tossing on a random show. While sleep steals her away, my gaze remains straight on the TV, trying to ignore the voice in my mind.Hervoice, believing she’s an incumbrance to people.
Her, a burden.
Me, a resource.
Like we’re two sides of the same fucking coin, waiting for someone to come by and flip us, deciding themselves which one of us to use and how.
I don’t like it, don’t like that she’s hiding this from others—her demeanour made that obvious—because if anyone’s reinforcing those thoughts, it needs to end. I also don’t like that she told me, because it makes my head buzz and my stomach a ravaging storm.
Tonight could burn, for all I care. Her boyfriend’s actions, her despondent emotions, her struggling to sleep, her disclosure—all shouldn’t exist. Serafina’s sunshine and blue skies, not gloom and storms.
After another couple minutes, when I’m sure she’s fallen asleep, I take in her position. If I leave her be, she’ll probablyget a cramp, but I also don’t want to wake her, since she’s finally resting.
After muting the TV but leaving it on to use the glow to see, I get to my feet, hovering over her. I could recline her, grab a blanket, and leave her for the night…or I could carry her to bed.
Which would involve touching her. My hands curl as I shift nearer the couch, knees pressing into the cushion. Can I? Should I?
Blyat.
I certainly can’t leave her like this.
With a sigh, I stoop to slide one arm beneath her knees, the other around her back, turning her into my chest. She’s quite light, and when her head lolls backwards, I shift my arm until my shoulder catches her. This time, she’s resting over my rapidly thumping heart, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing. She can feel my panic, my lack of composure over something as silly as carrying a woman to her bed.
If either of our families witnessed this, I’d probably be shot.
She groans softly, turning her head into my chest, and I nearly stumble over my feet. This goes beyond touching, but I tell myself it’s exactly the kind of hold I had her in today, when I yanked her deeper into the forest, or after getting her away from Ivan’s attack, when I shielded her. I’m simply helping.
Still, my steps pick up until reaching her bedside, where I draw back the blankets. As my arms mercifully release her, her fingers curl into my shirt, keeping me still.
“Thank you,” she mumbles through the fog. Her head moves back and forth as her lids flutter. Thankfully, the dark of her room keeps her down.
“You’ve already thanked me, Fina.”
“Not for…that. For…”
But sleep drags her under, and her fingers unlatch from my shirt as her arm slumps to the bed. I stay for a moment, myfeet glued to the floor, waiting to hear her breathe deeply before quietly backing away and shutting her door.
