The signs were there. Why the hell didn’t I pay attention to what was obvious?
By two-thirty, I give up on sleep and slide out of bed, figuring a change of scenery is best. Get some water. Go pee. Do anything but this.
When I leave my room, there’s the familiar image of Lev with his laptop, only for once, he’s not working. Rather, his head is tipped back, eyes shut, arms loose by his side.
At least one of us is asleep.
I take a moment to study him, trying to decipher the conundrum of Lev Petrov. He conducts himself with so much ease while also somehow being rigid. He’s a mystery, an unsolvable puzzle.
On my way to the bathroom, the stupid floor creaks, and Lev lifts his head, gaze locking on me with a strange intensity, though it could also be because my exhausted brain can’t focus.
“Sorry,” I whisper. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t.” His words are gruff, and he rubs a hand down his face. “I wasn’t asleep.”
“Looked like you were.”
“Only resting. I don’t often sleep well.”
“Oh.” Funny, since my initial interaction with him was an entire day of sleeping. “Any reason?”
He shrugs one shoulder before shutting his laptop and resting it on the floor. “It’s been a struggle my entire life. At home, I often pass out in the basement because the sound of my servers helps quiet my mind. Here”—he glances toward the window overlooking the school’s grounds—“it’s too quiet. I’ll go to bed soon and hope exhaustion takes me out, but it’ll only be for a few hours.”
Ihaveto call Zeno and release him. “I’m sorry.”
“For?”
He’s serious? Based on his tone, I assume he is. “You’d be at home if I didn’t ask for you. You’d be able to focus on your other duties without babysitting.”
It’s a cruel twist of irony that leaving Ostia and getting away from Madre and Zeno’s watchfulness, away from the burden Iam to them—the fact that neither has a complete family home because of my conception—made me someone else’s burden.
“I agreed. Let me worry about my sleep. Don’t stress.”
“For Vanessa,” I counter.
His tongue sweeps his bottom lip, making my insides warm as he readjusts to sit lower. “For you, Fina. You asked; that’s why I’m here. Vanessa took your brother’s side, certainly, but the choice was ultimately mine.”
Fina.When he first called me that, I could have sworn I misheard him—that he said my full name, and I only caught the tail end. No oneeverhas referred to me as Fina. It’s unique. A name associated with only Lev.
I like that.
Around the daze his nickname tossed me into again, his words register, confirming what I’ve guessed from the beginning: I’m at fault. At least, if he was here for Vanessa, it’d make me feel like I was another job. But no, he’s literally herebecause I asked him.
“Why are you up?” he asks, cutting through my self-deprecating thoughts.
“Can’t sleep either. My phone’s gone off three times before I finally shut it off.” A shadow passes over his face, reminding me what this guy actually does for a living, and I add, “Also, think my brain’s going too much. Which, I guess, makes sense, considering the night and what happened…what could have happened if you weren’t there. It’s irritating, because now, I’ll probably be tired for class.”
“If he’s bothering you, block his number.”
“Maybe,” I quickly mutter before escaping to the bathroom for a few minutes. I splash cool water on my face, aware the temperature won’t help my sleep issues.
When I return, Lev is in the same place, glaring out the window. I settle on the opposite end of the couch, back againstthe arm, knees drawn up to my chest and head tipping to the side to rest.
We’re both silent. So silent, our neighbours’ snores come through the thin walls.
Still staring out the window, his deep voice fills the space with a different kind of warmth. “You said earlier, you’re hurt. How are you now? You didn’t clarify physically or emotionally.”
“Fine now. Earlier, both, but I don’t want to get into it.” To tell Lev, of all people, what Alessio did seems…like a step our strange non-friendship isn’t ready for. These kinds of conversations are saved for people like Amara, who I’ll message in the morning.
