He lifts from my shoulder, expression pinched. He brushes hair off my shoulder, leaving my skin bared to avoid looking me in the eye. “I hate that you’ll be walking the aisle to him.”
“If it makes you feel better, you’ll be who I’m imagining.”
Did I just say that out loud?
The way he stiffens beneath me suggests that yes, I did.
“I mean?—”
He grasps my chin and turns my head towards him, his eyes capturing mine as much as the arm around my waist. “Don’t take that back. Not if you actually meant it.”
For three weeks, I’ve debated what’ll propel me from one end of the aisle to the other, and the answer always comes back to Lev. To imagining him waiting for me instead. Picturing him as the vows are spoken.
“I do. It’s how I’ll get through.”
“I’ll be right there,” he promises, his vow settling into my skin, followed by his mouth. “Every painful second, I’ll be by the front with the others. No matter what you’re feeling, know I’m there with you. Waitingforyou.”
“And when I’m picturing his death?”
“I’m doing the same, probably with more vivid details; ones you’re too innocent to picture.”
A new image slips through my head: of Lev standing above a bruised and battered body, weapons in each hand, blood staining his skin. A killer. A Bratva soldier.
“Sometimes, I forget who you really are.” I glance towards the server rack at the side of the room, the TV set-up to our right “That you’re not only a computer guy. You’re a fighter. A killer. I like it. I like you for who you are.”
“I like you too,printessa.”
Youcareabout me.The moment we shared in my brother’s pool officially planted itself into my brain, becoming one of a few that’ll get me through the ceremony.
I glance at to the screens, if only for something else to say. “Gaming.”
“Needed something to focus on. Want to try again?”
In Alessio’s proposed world, video games won’t make it on his approved list of activities. If I fail at murdering him, I’ll be gone for good. Both options have me agreeing to Lev’s offer, aware this might be my final week of normalcy.
A fear that latches onto my nerves but with a deep breath, I bury it beneath everything Lev has become to me while readjusting on his lap until I’m facing the screen, legs between his. Focusing on the alternate outcome makes it real, and it willnotbe real, damn it.
He clenches my hips, positioning me better. “Remember the controls?”
“I think so.” I drag the keyboard closer, then the mouse, and un-pause the game, thrown straight into the middle of the battle my arrival interrupted. With a small squeak, my hands go nuts, trying to click all the correct keys, but then dying within seconds.
I’m quick to restart the round, this time prepared for the initial wave. Enemy after enemy goes down, and I end up leaning closer to the screen as I successfully begin making it through the building, life intact.
Lev’s hand slide from my hips to my front, one on my thigh, one on my stomach, pressing me into him, even as I continuecontorting myself to reach the desk. His fingers slip beneath my tank, warm and protective.
Hemakes me feel protected. Safe.
He’s also the least safe decision I’ve ever made.
He strokes my stomach, his other hand slipping further down my leg until it finds the edge of my shorts, sliding beneath, slowly inching to my centre and causing my focus on the game to wane.
He continues upwards, thumb brushing the skin between my thigh and core. He ducks to whisper in my ear, “Be good for me,printessa. Kill my enemies while I play with you.”
51
LEV
After getting with Serafina, a few fantasies formed in my mind.
