"Respect." He makes a sound that might be a laugh. "Your father respected me because he knew I could shut down his east coast supply line with a single phone call. You respect me because he told you to. There's a difference."
"There is," I agree. "And if you give me six months, I'll earn the version of it you're looking for."
He's quiet for long enough that I hear him light a cigarette. Inhale. Exhale.
"Six months," he says. "Send your man to Brighton on Thursday. We'll talk terms."
I hang up.
The study is quiet. The house is quiet. Somewhere upstairs, Sadie is waking up, checking her meter, padding to the bathroom in bare feet. I know her routine the way I know my own. The shower will run for exactly eight minutes. She'll dress in her own clothes from the drawer I cleared for her. She'll come downstairs with damp hair and sit at the island and eat toast with peanut butter and drink juice. She'll look at me over the glass with those blue eyes, the number she gives me will be clean and stable, and I'll saygood.
Three weeks ago she was on the floor of an apartment with her sugar at twenty-eight and a head wound and a dead man she doesn'texactly knowI cleaned up.
Now she's applying to nursing school. She works full shifts at the clinic. She eats three meals a day without being prompted. Her numbers have been stable for nineteen straight days, which Mikhail tells me is remarkable given the stress her body has been under. She sleeps through the night beside me and doesn't startle when I move.
She is, by every measure I have, healing.
I think about the ring.
It's in the safe in this study, behind a panel in the wall that looks like wainscoting. My mother's ring. A single oval diamond in a platinum setting, simple by the standards of the women in my world but exactly right by the standards of Sadie's. She doesn't want flash. She doesn't want a statement. She wants a thing that means what it means and nothing more.
I could ask her tonight. I could take the ring from the safe and put it in my pocket and ask her over dinner at the kitchen island. She would look at me with her chin up and her eyes clear and she would say something honest that would crack me open.
But she's not ready.
I know this because I know her. She said yes to the road, and she meant it, but the road and the destination are two different things. She's still finding her footing. She's still learning what it feels like to have a drawer in someone's house and a seat at someone's table and a man who asks her sugar number every morning because he wants to hear her voice say something good.
She needs time to stop being the woman who survived and start being the woman who lives. The nursing program will help. The clinic helps. Waking up stable helps. All of it is building something in her that I can see growing week by week. A confidence that isn't new but is being rebuilt, and I'm not going to interrupt that process by putting a ring on her finger before the foundation is set.
My father proposed to my mother after six days. He said he knew the moment she argued with him in front of his men, because no woman had ever argued with him and meant it.
I understand him now in a way I didn't then.
I knew the moment Sadie told me her name with my hand on her throat. I've known every moment since. The sedan. Theclinic. The alley. The diner. The sidewalk under the streetlight where she said she was afraid of not being afraid of me.
The ring stays in the safe. For now.
I hear her on the stairs. Her footsteps are light, a little uneven because her left knee still catches on cold mornings, a remnant of the wreck she's never complained about once. The kitchen sounds begin. Kettle. Toaster. The fridge opening and closing. The soft clink of a glass on the counter.
I stand, button my cuffs, and walk to the kitchen.
She's at the island with her juice and her toast. Her hair is damp. She's wearing jeans and a yellow sweater. She looks up at me the way she looks up at me every morning, like she's checking that I'm still the same man she went to sleep next to.
"One-sixteen," she says.
"Good."
She takes a bite of toast. I pour my coffee. The morning settles around us the way mornings do now, quiet and ordinary and underlaid with something that is neither of those things.
My phone buzzes. Dmitri. I glance at the screen.
Second transfer to Alexei. Seventy-five thousand. Same route.
I put the phone face down on the counter.
Sadie looks at me over her juice. She doesn't ask.
"I'll be late tonight," I say. "Dmitri will bring you home."
"Okay." She takes another bite. "Be careful."
Two words. She says them every time I leave, and every time, they stir something inside me that isn’t all that monstrous...
"Always," I say.
I kiss her forehead. I taste the faint salt of her skin and the clean smell of the drugstore shampoo, and I leave for work with my father's empire on my shoulders and my mother's ring in mywall and the certainty, absolute and immovable, that when the time comes, she'll say yes.
But right now. I have to deal with a man who called mePakhanand lied.
