"Without leaving a note?" I ask. My voice edged with disbelief.
"Weird, I grant you. But nothing sinister, sweetheart.” He is starting to sound like he is dealing with a crazy person.
“Okay,” I finally say. “Well, thanks.”
I hang up, and I sit on the floor with my phone in my hand, thinking about what he just said.Nothing sinister.
I don't call Delgado. I think about it, unlock my phone screen, lock it again. What am I going to tell him? That someone left me a bag of groceries? He gave me his card for a reason, and that reason wasn’t this.
Eventually I get up.
I put the groceries away one item at a time. I leave the sourdough on the counter, because I'm going to eat a piece of it tonight. I put the blueberries at the back of the fridge so I don't have to see them every time I open the door. I take the coffee out of the bag and look at the label for a long time before I put it in the cabinet. Then I take it back out and put it in the freezer,because that's where my mother kept her coffee, and thinking about my mother is the only thing in my head right now that isn’t driving me crazy.
I force myself to eat the deli sandwich and I change into a tank and a clean pair of sweatpants. The mattress I bought on Saturday, the cheapest twin at the discount store, is made up with fresh sheets and I’m suddenly exhausted.
I pull on my mother’s cardigan and lie down on the bed. My bed, with a new mattress that I’ve never shared with anyone. I close my eyes, because I can't think about this anymore tonight, because if I think about it, I have to do something about it, and I don't have the energy to do anything about it until tomorrow.
I tell myself, as I drift, that I’m safe. It can’t be Jason, because I know, underneath everything, that Jason would not have thought to ever buy me blueberries.
Jason never noticed what I wanted.
So, who could it be?
Who cares enough to buy me food?
