It’s not that I don’t think he wouldn’t be a great father. The gentleness and the excitement that exudes from him tells me enough about the kind of man he is.
The kind of father he could be.
But I also don’t know how he would react to finding out he has a son and the reason I want the annulment is forhim. Our conversation is another weight that holds me back. He said he didn’t think he’d be worthy—what does that even mean?
Before I know it, we’re back at my cabin. Ford pulls in quietly, still smiling, like there’s still hope for us.
Now, I tell myself, drawing in a deep breath.Tell him now. Cut the cord. Give him his options. Tell him?—
“I have a reservation for us at the Lodge for dinner,” he says before I can open my mouth. “At seven. I know I said I’d spend the whole day convincing you, but you look ready to drop.”
The smile is both filled with concern and hope.
The words die on my tongue. “Sorry. Today has been great so far, and I just…I have a lot to think about,” I whisper, throat tight with emotion.
His half-smile turns more hopeful, more radiant as he nods. “I’m gonna take that as a good thing, darlin’.”
I swallow hard, but the lump only grows thicker. “Why?”
“Because maybe it means you’ll still give us a chance,” he murmurs. “Take the afternoon. Think about it. Aboutus. And I’ll come pick you up for dinner. How does that sound?”
“Good,” I whisper. “That sounds good.”
My heart races as I watch him get out and round the front of the truck to open the door for me. Bile rises in my throat, each kind move, every gentle touch, and the soft way he stares at me making the guilt worse.
And yet, I can’t make the words come. Not as he kisses the top of my head or holds my hand all the way to the door. And not even when he tells me he’ll be back.
It’s all too much—and yet, I don’t know what to do to make it better.
My hands shakeas I get ready. I pull my hair back into a low ponytail to keep it out of my face, the strands irritating and overwhelming me no matter how much I try to remain calm. The dress I choose doesn’t feel right, not as it hugs my figure and the curves born of my pregnancy.
From my suitcase, I pull out a collection of polaroids from the first few weeks. My sister had been obsessed with taking them, my niece even more so. I have about a hundred images of me and Christopher from those first weeks where we were both getting used to one another in our new situation.
At first, I’d hated it. But now, I slide them into my purse to give to Ford.
He’d missed out on it all. The pregnancy, the birth, and all our firsts. He didn’t get to be there for the first ultrasound. He didn’t get to hear the heartbeat or feel Christopher moving inside me. He wasn’t there for the first contraction or that final push. And he’s never held our baby boy.
I still don’t know how he’ll react, but I resolve to tell him tonight. After dinner. I won’t spring it on him in a restaurant fullof people. It will either be the best news he’s ever heard, or the reason he signs the papers.
It all hinges on tonight.
He made a bet that he would convince me to stay, to give our marriage a chance, but will he still feel the same way once he knows the truth?
SEVEN
FORD
All night, Olivia has been fluttering between intense nerves, tense silence, and talking to me like we’re still strangers getting to know one another.
The last part is partially true, since we are. But by now, I’d think we were past the awkward questions phase.
At least now, I know more about the relationship she has with her sister. There’s nothing tying Olivia to Texas, which is why she’s considering the move to Colorado to be closer to her, especially now that her sister is pregnant again. I can’t help but admire their relationship, and it makes me consider what that might look like for me.
Tucker is already considering a move to that area. We aren’t that close, but we could be if we were in the same place. Maybe he could even get me a job at that ranch.
Somehow, we manage to fill the awkward moments with talk of other things. Her favourite band,Four Frozen Hearts,being mine; the instant flare of rightness that’d appeared between us when we got to talk about it. How it turns out we’d been at the same concert almost three years ago, just at different parts of the pit.
There’s also the fact we went to the same rodeo and without knowing it, she’d watched me ride. This was after our night together, and I could tell realising it dampened the mood.
