Dragging my teeth through my bottom lip, I sigh. “Just tired.”
When he doesn’t reply, I know my lie was detected and stored away for future reference. But I don’t offer anything else up. How can I? I can barely wrangle these feelings. And that’s all they are, feelings. Not the years of work and literal sacrifice I’ve been through for the life I want. For the career I love. I’m all over the place when it comes to this man.
If it was just him, it would be a no-brainer. But it’s this ranch he can’t leave. The life I want means I can’t be tied down.
Tears burn behind my eyes as we roll to a stop in front of his house. As we walk inside in silence, it’s when he wraps me in his arms and tugs me into his chest I know I can’t let things get too serious.
“Tell me,” he rasps, the sound already defeated as it barely makes it through his lips.
“Tired is all. All this talk of career with Nia reminded me how much work I have left to do.”
“You can skip the roundup. We have it covered.”
“No.” I push back, but he doesn’t release me. “I said I’d help. I want to.”
He brushes a stray curl behind my ear, and I almost turn into a blubbering mess with the sentiment of it. This man has his heart all over his sleeve. I can read everything he’s feeling right there on his face. If I don’t detach from it sooner rather than later, it’s going to rip me apart watching him realize this doesn’t go any further than this year. This round of the circuit.
It can’t.
And I feel like the world’s biggest asshole. Playing house, all the while I have an exit strategy waiting to go.
“I’m going to change,” I mutter.
He studies my face for a beat before his grip fades, and I walk to the bedroom. I sink onto the edge of the bed and haveto force air into my lungs. To remind myself to exhale. That I’m supposed to make a difference. I promised Cap.
The burn turns to a torrent of tears I spend the next five minutes swiping from my face. The back door snaps, and I compose myself as I change into my sleep shorts and remove my bra, sliding my tank on. The fabric is soft and sends goosebumps over my body as it covers my ribs and stomach.
Wandering through the house, I pluck a glass from the upper cabinet and hold it under the tap, pouring a glass of water. By the time I’ve swallowed half, I feel better and head down the hallway and out the back door to find Hadley in the big old seat.
“Coming to bed?”
“In a sec,” he says softly, his gaze on the magnificent sky overhead, the stars shimmering so bright they look closer than they are. “Come here, Maggie.”
I step around the chair until I’m standing between his legs. He looks up at me and pats his lap. I sink down, straddling him as he takes the glass from my hand and places it on the porch.
“What’s going on in here, Sunshine?” He taps a finger to my temple.
The gentle, caring words and the worried look on his face send emotion closing over my throat.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have come?” I choke out.
“Why do you say that?”
“I ruined our friendship, when I can’t?—”
The words snap in my throat. Chin wobbling, my eyes drift upward as if that will save me. I press my hands over my face.
I hear his breathing quicken.
Warm hands fold around mine, lowering them from my face. Brown eyes find mine. “You haven’t ruined a thing. I promise.”
“We’re too far in now... And I can’t chan—” A sob slips, shoving the rest of my words back down my throat.
“Fuck, Sunshine.” He guides my forehead to his, and his eyes close. As if he doesn’t have the solution to our problem any more than I do.
God, I hate this.
I just want him.
