Her heart stopped.
He emitted a short laugh.“You at least know I am not in earnest, but I do not know we should convince anyone.We are too well known as friends, and you have never thought of me as such, for all that we are practicing.You have your pursuit of Malvern to consider as well.”
He had proposed and discounted the possibility in the time it had taken her brain to even acknowledge he had asked her to marry him, for all that he jested.Strange emotion warred in her breast, panic and desperation and something else she did not wish to examine too closely.“You are correct,” she said.“They would never believe us in earnest.”
He raked his hands through his hair.“I know.It was a thought only.You are to take your lover, and I…Well, it would not work.”He exhaled.“I apologise, El, it is only he told me just before we left tonight.My mind is still a mire.”
She chewed her lip.“Do you wish to marry?”
Jaw working, he stared at her.Forever passed before he said, “I do not wish a marriage dictated by my brother.”
“That does not answer my question.”Heart an ache, she said again, “Do you wish to marry?”
Intense blue eyes burned into hers.Time stretched between them, the gap between her asking the question and him answering it becoming unbearable.
Something flickered in his eyes.“We should return.I have kept you too long already” he said instead.
A sharp pain stabbed her chest.That was not a no, was it?
She allowed him to take her arm, to lead her from the room.Long practice held it that they knew how to re-enter a ballroom unnoticed, for at nearly every ball they would find a desire to speak alone, to share words they wished no one else to overhear.They did not often, though, return with such unease between them.
He returned her to her spot on the wall, bowing and advising he would come back with refreshments.She thought it was more he needed time to compose himself, as did she.She watched his wide shoulders as he pushed through the crowd, her thoughts a mess.
She could not stop thinking of his offhand proposal.When they had been children, he’d often declared he would marry her when they were grown and he’d said it again and again, for years, until finally she’d broken down into a blubbering mess, crying that she would never marry, she couldn’t marry, she couldn’t do that, and he’d been aghast and confused and not known how to comfort her.He’d promised he’d never speak of it again, if only she would stop crying, please El, do not cry.I did not mean it.I did not,and she had finally managed to collect herself and embarrassment had burned her cheeks as she’d stammered through an apology.He, pale-faced and sunken-eyed, had only assured her he would never speak of it again and he hadn’t.Until now.
She had never allowed herself to truly consider Benedict marrying.On occasion, the thought would cross her mind, but it was just as simple to not think of it.He would not marry this season, would he?This was simply a fancy of his brother’s.The Earl could not force him to wed, and Benedict was not reliant on the Earl for funds.Besides, the Earl would never be so cruel.
One day, Benedict would marry.She knew that, and what’s more, he should.She rubbed at her chest.He loved his nieces and nephews, and they him.He should have children and a woman who loved him.It was only… She knew vaguely he should have those things, but she’d not thought on it too closely.What it would mean.If he were wed.There would be no more weekly visits.No more lessons.No more Benedict, not as she had him now.
Sucking in a breath, she squared her shoulders.He had said he would not cow to his brother’s wishes and so there was nothing to be concerned about.They would continue as they were, the closest of friends.He would still be her tutor, she would take her lover, and nothing had need to change.
She stared at the hole he’d made that the crowd now filled.No need at all.
Chapter Nine
Arm outstretched along the back of the settee, Benedict drummed his fingers against the wooden frame.He’d been shown to El’s drawing room upon his arrival, Simmons advising El was momentarily disposed and had asked he forgive her for the wait.He’d managed to keep a straight face at the butler’s serious pronouncement.He highly doubted El had said anything of the sort.No doubt she had lost track of the time, panicked, and would come running in her red-faced and flustered.
A commotion sounded outside the drawing room and then El rushed in, her hair haphazardly pinned and her gown simple.A luminous smile burst upon her face when her gaze found him.“Benedict.You are come.”
For a moment, he forgot to breathe.Cheeks flushed, eyes bright, she was glorious.Recovering his voice, he said, “I am.”Bloody hell, that was asinine.That couldn’t be all he said.“And you?You are come as well?”Christ, what was he saying?“Apologies, I meant you are well?”
“Of course,” she said.“I am extremely well.I cannot even describe to you how well I am.”
A smile tugged at him.“So you are well, then?”
“Yes!And you, you are well?”
“As well as can be expected after the Earl’s ultimatum.”Damnation, he was not going to speak of it.
Her smile dimmed.“Yes.That.Has he said anything further?”
He shook his head.He’d managed to avoid the earl this morning and thus a repeat of any further demand.Perhaps he could spend the rest of the season avoiding his brother and that could solve the issue?
“He cannot actually force you to marry.”
“No, but he could make my life difficult, should he choose.”He pinched the bridge of his nose.
Her gaze imploring, she said, “If you require funds, you know I have oodles upon oodles.I do not require it all, and I would rest easy knowing I have helped ease your life.”
