She rolled her eyes.“I am firmly on the shelf, Benedict.Do you truly think anyone much cares what I do?”
“Icare.”The frown he yet wore deepened.“Although more than your reputation is risked with this course.”
Good lord, if he would not state it plainly,shewould.“There are ways of experiencing pleasure that do not lead to me becoming with child, you know.”
“I do know.”
“I know you know, because as soon as you learnt of them, you told me.”
“Iknow, El.”Cheeks ruddy, he muttered under his breath, “I should never have told you anything.”
“What was that?”she said, though she had heard him plain as day.
“Nothing.”He rubbed his temple again.“How long have you been planning this?”
She pushed her tongue into her cheek.“Not above six months.”
“Six months,” he repeated.
She shifted under his stare.
Breaking their gaze, the faintest whisper of hurt crossing his features.“I had no idea you were even contemplating this,” he said, almost to himself.
An ache spread through her chest.Six monthswastoo long.She should have told him sooner.Much sooner.She should have, as she always told him everything she’d schemed, and yet with this she…hadn’t.“I am sorry I did not tell you.”
“Yes.Well.You have told me now.”He exhaled.She waited, nerves tightening her belly, and then the corner of his mouth turned up.“I suppose the only thing now if for you to tell me everything.”
Relief rushed through her.“You recall Lady Burfield’s bi-monthly salon?”
“How could I forget?You only speak of it every other moment.”
It was true.She did.Viscountess Burfield hosted a salon that was whispered about by the ladies of the Ton, with membership quite exclusive and heavily vetted.Even though Eleanor was unmarried, she had been accepted, making her the sole member who had never had a husband.The topics of the salon included erotic novels, pleasure experiences, and things that no unmarried lady should really know.The discussions were salacious and titillating and, to this day, Eleanor was astounded she had been granted admittance.
Listening to the commentary and reading the literature had sparked within her the desire to experience if not romantic love then at least erotic passion.The more she’d considered it, the more she saw no reason not to pursue such a goal.
She had long held no desire for marriage—she had no wish to hand ownership of her wealth, her possessions, herpersonto a gentleman with no real guarantee he would not strip her of all three.To marry would not guarantee passion—indeed, to her observation, it seemed the direct opposite—and from the talk and whispers of both the salon and the ton, only a skilled lover provided what she sought.It would be better instead to remain unwed and take a temporary lover.That way, when it was done, she and her lover could shake hands and part ways, remaining unbeholden to the other in any way.
“Of course your plan derived from the salon,” Benedict continued.“I have never heard of a group of ladies more raucous.”
“Then I feel very sad for you indeed.You have two sisters.How do you not know ladies are just as raucous as gentlemen?”
“I am the youngest, El, by a fair margin,” he said, “and there are two brothers between us.Margaret and Catherine do not discuss such things with me.I would wager they do not discuss such things with anyone at all.”
“Perhaps then not your sisters, but you know me,” she said.“We talk of such things all the time.”
“Notallthe time.And I saidgroupof ladies.Last I checked, you are in the singular.”
He looked so pleased with himself at his pedantry.“Be that as it may, as a consequence I have decided a lover is what I wished to pursue.I have already determined I do not wish to frequent a brothel or engage a professional to visit my home.”
Benedict choked.“Good God, El, warn a man before you say such things.How do you even know of…of…” Cheeks again ruddy—or perhaps still—he frowned at her.“You should know nothing about any of that.”
She rolled her eyes.“I am thirty years old and, I remind you, older than you.It would be truly pathetic of me if I knew nothing of the world at my age.”
“You are barely four weeks older than me.”
“It still counts.”
Working his jaw, he stared at her.Ha.Not so pedantic now, was he?“We have meandered off track,” he said.“Have you decided on whom should occupy the position of your lover?”
