His eyebrows pull together darkly. His wavy, brown hair tucked behind his ears. “Gianni is going to work something out,” I lie to him. I lie straight to my husband’s face. To put his mind at ease. He’ll find out the truth eventually. But it will be too late. I’m not relying on anyone. I never have before, and I’m not going to start now.
Audie cries in my arms—awa-wa-waescaping into the air.
“She’s hungry. I was going to make her a bottle.”
“I’ll feed her.” I walk toward the bed. My tits are about to explode anyway. I hand Baz Audie as I pull off my tank top and sports bra. Leaning against the headboard, I place a pillow on my lap and prop Audie up when Baz passes her back to me. He lays beside me so he can watch our daughter eat.
Neither of us say a word. We just escape to the most important place in our world. The place where we can share our love for the little girl in my arms.
I try to keep Audie up for as long as possible so she’ll sleep tonight. It’s a challenging task. She’s fussy because she’s tired, but we have to break her out of her backwards sleep pattern. Gianni was right—I do have my hands full with this one.
Baz is mentally vacant most of the day, which isn’t surprising. His best friend just tried to kill him and his entire family. But I don’t want him falling so deep into despair he can’t find his way back. Audie helps me keep him grounded. Anything she needs, Baz is right there to give it to her. She’s my secret weapon. Shh, don’t tell.
Audie is out cold by the time the sun sets. I kept her up a good majority of the day so hopefully she’ll sleep somewhat through the night. Fingers-crossed. The sleep deprivation is starting to eat away at my sanity.
I place her in the bassinet all swaddled and warm. She’s an angel. A bonafide angel sent straight down from Heaven. Wrapped in pink with a halo of golden blonde hair. I wonder if that’s how I looked as an infant. I have no pictures. No memories. No nothing.
Utterly exhausted, I climb onto the bed where Baz is sprawled out, shirtless, reading something on his iPad.
I rest my head on his chest and wrap my arms around his waist. “Are you doing okay?” I ask.
“About as well as a man can be after his best friend tries to assassinate him.”
I look up at Baz. He doesn’t look down, just keeps his attention focused on the screen.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Turn back time?”
“Not one of the talents I possess.” I place my cheek back on his firm chest, mindlessly drawing circles on his pec, pondering why the world is the way it is. Why is power more important than the simple act of living? More important than being happy, or finding peace? I have seen so much death, inflicted so much destruction. It never fulfilled me. Not like this does. Just lying here with my husband, and our sleeping daughter safe in her bassinet.
“Stevie.” Baz groans and grabs my traveling hand.
“What?” I focus my eyes and realize he has an erection. How did that happen?
“I like the way you’re touching me, baby.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“No, but it’s making me want to rip your clothes off.”
“And what’s wrong with that? The doctor gave me the okay forallphysical activities.” I drop a teasing kiss on his nipple.
He sighs as if conflicted. He’s had a long day. I know he’s fighting to keep it together. His emotions are a battlefield. And the pressure to present himself as normal is overwhelming. I get it. I get my husband.
Sometimes I feel like I have to be perfect.
I don’t need perfect. I just need Baz.
Taking matters into my own hands, I kiss my way down his chest, over the divots in his abs, stopping at the beginning of his happy trail. I look up at his face. His mouth is slack, and his eyes are glassy. “You’re just gonna stop?”
I press my lips together. Of course, I’m not.
Balancing on my knees I strip off my clothes, putting on a little show. My body is nowhere near stripper perfect anymore, but I’m working my way back to that. Baz doesn’t seem to mind my newfound curves.
Baz groans once I’m completely naked, his attention trained on my larger than normal breasts.
“Just relax, okay,” I purr as I pull his sweatpants off his body.
