“This isn’t just jewelry.” Baz scoots closer and takes my wrist. “This is . . .” The sentence lingers between us. “All my fears and all my pain given a purpose. You shot me through the heart the first night I met you. And you have been dragging me around helplessly by the arrow ever since.” He places the box in my hand. “I’m your kill, Stevie, and you are my quiet.”
I gape at his choice words.My kill.My unintentional, figurative kill.
“You don’t have to say anything now. I don’t need an answer. I know it’s fast, but I want to be worthy. I want you to know that I’m committed to you. To both of you.”
My gaze jumps between Baz’s sincere green eyes and the intimidating black box. What did I say about not many things scaring me?
My heart is hammering, and every word is echoing in my head like it’s as vast as the Grand Canyon. I’ve just been completely blindsided, and I have no idea what to do.
“Wow. You really go all out for anal.” I spew random words because I think I’m in shock.
“I think we both know this is about way more than anal.” Baz pouts his lips and unsnaps the button on the box. “But if it leads down that road, I wouldn’t be opposed.”Of course not.“Besides, you were the one who told me you liked it dirty. What’s more dirty than that?” He opens the tabs of the box and reveals the dazzling ring sitting inside. All the air in my lungs disappears as I admire the biggest diamond and the most ornate setting I have ever seen.
“How many marriage proposals include anal sex, do you think?” I ask as my eyes glide over the curved pavé band. The tiny diamonds blazing orange from the reflection of the fire.
“I’m thinking none but mine.” Baz laughs as he removes the ring from the box. “But we are definitely one of a kind.”
“That’s true.” I shake as he slides the ring onto my third finger. I know you’re supposed to describe engagement rings as beautiful, elegant, or fancy, but this isn’t any of those things. It’s completely unique and completely bad-ass. The band hugs my finger like a serpent, it’s pointed tail reaching all the way to my knuckle. The diamond at the base is a huge, glittery circle.Wow.It’s so large I’m pretty sure I could knock someone out with it. And if I didn’t know any better, I’d think that was Baz’s intention.
I know he said I didn’t need to answer now. I know he understands this is all so fast, and we should really take our time. We’re still getting to know each other. Still growing accustomed to being in each other’s lives. Our current circumstance is rocky. There’s no solid ground. Every day is a risk. Another twenty-four hours of the unknown. But being with Baz makes the risk all worth it. I never dreamed about a happily ever after. The bad guy doesn’t get those. And I’m most definitely one of the bad guys. But as much as Baz tries to convince me he is too, it’s just not true. He’s one of the good ones. And if anyone deserves a happy ending, deserves to just simply be happy, it’s him. I stare into the eyes that speared my heart with just one look, and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what my answer is. I don’t need time. I just need Baz.
“Yes.” I launch into his arms and tackle him to the floor.
“Whoa.” He wraps me in a strong embrace.
“I don’t need time. I just need you,” I vocalize my thoughts.
Baz’s smile as he looks up at me is dazzling. It’s warm and genuine and full of love. Full of joy. Just like my heart.
This ice queen’s emotions have finally thawed from their arctic prison. I feel human again. Not a ghost who’s invisible. Who’s untouchable. Who’s nonexistent.
Baz makes me real.
I smash my lips against his, expressing the outpour of emotions that are uncontainable. The feelings I can’t verbally express. He hugs me tighter, accepting everything I have to give. Moaning into my mouth, he clutches my head as our hips begin to grind of their own accord. The physical desire is never far. It’s forged within our foundation. And it undeniably rules.
“You are worthy,” I declare between scorching hot kisses. “And you can have me any way you want me.” I’m unsure what propels me to make the spontaneous decision. Maybe it’s because I know Baz will never hurt me. It will be a completely different experience. And I want him to own me. Every single part of me. Especially that part. I want him to erase the past and sketch a new future. Embed new associations and feelings. I don’t want to have to say no to him, ever.
“Stevie, that’s not what this whole thing is about,” he disputes.
“Yes, it is. It’s exactly what it’s about. No walls. No fears. No regrets. Nothing standing between us. I want you to be able to have me however you want me.” He runs his knuckles along my cheek as he regards me thoughtfully. I know he’s questioning my decision. My sudden change of tune. He doesn’t want anything to happen for the wrong reasons. “I want to give this part of myself to you.Only you.”
“How can I deny a heartfelt plea like that?”
“You can’t.” I grin as I press my lips to his.
“You’re right. I can’t.” He glides his hands south and palms my ass, squeezing my cheeks so hard I squeak as he presses his growing erection between my legs. “I wanted inside that hot hole the first night we were together, and not a damn thing has changed.” Baz locks his arm around my waist and anchors me to his body as he repositions us on the floor. I cling to him as he sets me on my back and rests on top of me. “I’m going to make you feel so good, Stevie. I’m going to make you love it.” He darts his tongue out, swiping it across my pouty bottom lip before running it over my jaw and down my neck. Just before he passes my collarbone, I catch his face in my hands.
“Baz.” I suck in a shaky breath, and he looks up at me. “Just don’t ask me to scream.”
Baz pushes up on his arms, his green gaze beating down on my face. Concern, confusion, anger, and resistance swirl in his irises.
“Stevie, maybe we shouldn’t—”
“We definitely should.” I place my fingertips over his mouth. “I’ll tell you everything tomorrow. I don’t want to ruin anything tonight. I just want to be with you.” I inhale, cleansing my muddy lungs with oxygen. “Just you.”
Securing a piece of long, stray hair behind his ear, I wait patiently as the questions cycle through Baz’s mind. I see them all. What happened? What aren’t you telling me? Who hurt you? Can I fucking kill him?
He’s too late for the last one.
