With a ragged exhalation, he closed his eyes against his surroundings, against the ethereal glow of the dimming light as day gave way to evening. He wasn't sure how he managed to find the strength to reach for the door handle. Could not recall crossing the pavement or knocking upon the door. It swung open and Edward blinked at the butler.
“Good evening, my lord,” said Elks, stepping aside to grant Edward entry. “Please come in.”
Edward crossed the threshold and took off his hat. The door closed behind him with a soft snick. This wasn't the first time he'd come here since Evie's death. He'd visited once or twice before. But it was the first time he'd have to sit at the dining room table without her there to encourage Adrian to tell some outrageous story.
Like how he'd climbed an oak tree when he was eight years old in order to catch a glimpse through a brothel window, or hitched a ride with a peddler after his horse had lost a shoe. Edward already knew every story well, but he'd enjoyed the enthusiasm with which Evie listened to each retelling.
“My lord?”
Edward realized Elks was waiting for him to hand over his hat. He apologized for the delay and gave it to him, then pulled off his gloves and dropped them inside. Elks set the items aside on a hallway table, thenpreceded Edward toward the parlor door where he knocked.
Numb feet carried Edward forward. His arrival was announced and he entered, his attention going straight to Adrian, the only other person capable of comprehending the depth of his grief.
“It's good to see you again,” Adrian said, standing to greet him. He stuck out his hand and Edward took it, the firm shake followed by a brotherly hug they only permitted themselves in private.
“You too.” A solid pat on the back and they stepped apart. Edward fought the emotion pouring through him and managed a smile. “I'm glad your wife invited me to join you for dinner.”
“She mentioned your being away at Longmeadow this past month. Care for some port?” Adrian asked the question while turning toward the sideboard.
“Please.” Edward took a deep breath and expelled it. “The estate needed my attention and it's been a while since I last saw Mama. It was time.”
“I understand.” Adrian handed Edward a glass and clinked his own against it. They each took a sip of their drink. “And how is she faring?”
“Well enough, considering her age. She's taken up baking, says she enjoys kneading the dough. I'm not sure I understand it, to be honest, but it seems to make her happy.”
The bread rolls she'd made while he was there had actually been rather good. Not quite up to Cook'sstandards, but tasty enough when slathered with butter and jam.
“And your sisters? I trust you saw them as well while you were in the area?”
Edward nodded. Neither Lavinia nor Theodora cared for London, preferring the peaceful serenity of the countryside over the chaos and filth of the City. Though they had been presented at court when they debuted, they'd quickly returned to Longmeadow where they'd both met their future husbands – Lavinia while enjoying an evening out at the local assembly hall and Theodora the following year while shopping for the next book she wanted to read.
Both were now comfortably situated and, most importantly, happy. Edward hated himself for envying that, but it was hard not to when both had found the love matches he'd been denied.
“Lavinia's youngest sprained her foot while I was there. She's incredibly lively – can't sit still for one second. So it made sense that she would try balancing along the edge of a fence.”
“I take it she fell?”
Edward shook his head. “Landed wrong when she hopped down.”
“Sounds like she keeps her mother busy.”
“She'll have another cousin soon. Theodora is once again expecting.” Edward reached for the decanter so he could top up his glass. “Mama is naturally delighted by the prospect of becoming a grandmama for the fifth time.”
“And you?” Adrian asked, eyes carefully searching Edward's. “How do you feel about it?”
“The same. Naturally.” That all too familiar ache began building behind his breastbone again.
He drank some more port. Prayed the liquor would soon have the soothing effect he needed to get through the rest of this evening. How many glasses had he downed since that tragic May day? An endless amount, though not nearly as much as he wanted – never enough to find the oblivion he so desperately craved. He would never be reckless enough to venture down such a disastrous path. Not when he had family to care for.
“It’s nice to get out of the City when possible,” Adrian mused. “If you recall, Samantha and I travelled to Deerhaven Park after our wedding. Spent a couple of weeks there.”
Edward had visited the estate only a handful of times, but he'd enjoyed each one. Nestled between expansive heaths, lush forests, and the sea, Adrian’s ancestral home made for the perfect retreat. They’d ridden there, hunted together, and dived from rocks jutting out from the sandy shore.
“That must have been wonderfully romantic.” Edward aimed for a cheeky look.
Something unpleasant flickered in Adrian’s gaze. He sipped his port, banked whatever it was, and produced a smile so bright Edward wondered if he’d been wrong to suppose he’d just said the wrong thing.
“It certainly was.”
