Eventually Mama said, “We heartily approve as long as the match is a suitable one.”
“Of course,” Grandmama murmured. She sent Lilli the sort of defiant look that instantly put her on edge. That eagle–eyed gaze quickly shifted to Papa as she inquired, “But what exactly defines suitability?”
“You know the answer to that.”
“And yet it’s a subject I’d like to explore.” Grandmama set her silverware aside while Lilli considered how she might slide from her chair and quietly disappear beneath the table.
“Very well,” Papa said with a shrug. “I suppose suitability depends on the parties involved. For people of our set it has to do with rank, an unblemished name, one’s financial situation and so on. If the parties happen to love one another, then so much the better.”
Mama blushed. “Stratham and I were fortunate in that regard.”
Warmth filled Papa’s eyes as he smiled at her from across the table. “Indeed we were.”
“As was I,” said Grandmama. “But what if the person one falls for is not from one’s set, so to speak? What if a baron’s daughter, for example, desired to marry her father’s coachman?”
The silence that followed was excruciatingly painful. Everyone gaped at the dowager countess. The food Lilli had just consumed rolled over in her stomach.
“What a preposterous notion,” Mama said.
“Without a doubt,” Papa murmured.
Across from Lilli, Henry frowned, which only made her want to leap from her seat and run from the room. Had he drawn the parallel and realized her interest in his valet? Or was he simply as stunned by Grandmama’s question as everyone else?
“It would be nice if we lived in a world where such an association were possible,” Henry eventually said. He spoke evenly, as though he were mulling the idea over in his head and gradually voicing his conclusions. “But the truth of the matter is we don’t. A coachman could never marry a baron’s daughter without consequence. For starters, their upbringing would be vastly different, so one would naturally wonder what they’d have in common and if it would even be possible for them to actually love one another. On this matter I would suggest that love would be an illusion based on attraction of a physical nature.
“Next, one might question whether a lady brought up in a grand home, accustomed to having servants, fine garments, carriages, and such, would be satisfied living on a coachman’s salary. I think love matches are what we all desire, but I don’t believe love is the only thing that matters.”
“Well put,” Papa said.
Lilli stared at her plate. Her meal was only half eaten but she could not bring herself to enjoy the rest. She’d not needed this discussion to know her choice would be difficult, but her family’s words seemed to make it more impossible. It not only broke her heart, it also made her resent her grandmother for addressing the issue over dinner.
This should have waited until Lilli was ready.
“Now, regarding the masquerade you’re having me host,” Mama said, effectively changing the subject before her mother said anything more about inappropriate matches. “I’d like to agree on a guest list so I can send out invitations.”
The conversation continued though Lilli failed to hear much of it. Her mind was elsewhere, most notably on a man who would be enjoying his dinner below stairs when he ought to be at her side. Disheartened by this thought, Lilli had no desire to sit with Mama and Grandmama in the parlor after dinner. So she excused herself and sought out the library instead. There she’d at least find a book to replace the one she’d finished earlier in the day.
The room was warm and inviting as she’d known it would be. The dark wood cabinetry, leather chairs, and blazing fire instantly soothed her distraught nerves. She’d always found sanctuary here as a child. Whenever she had received a scolding or she’d been mad at the world, the library had offered endless comfort and the escape she’d needed.
Her fingers trailed lazily over a familiar shelf –hershelf – where all her favorite books sat. Now was not the time for new novels she couldn’t be certain would entertain her. But she didn’t feel like Shakespeare either since that required a great deal of focus. And Daniel Defoe’s adventure novels did not hold the same appeal as usual. So she paused when she reached her copy ofSense and Sensibility, confident the light romance would offer the perfect distraction. Tomorrow she would decide on a course of action. Most notably, she’d have to figure out how Mr. Henley might court her with her parents’ permission.
It wouldn’t be easy.
In fact, it would undoubtedly lead to conflict.
With a small huff of frustration, she settled into an armchair near the fire and opened the book to the spot where Marianne Dashwood meets Colonel Brandon for the first time. She read the text until she’d completed two pages, only to realize she couldn’t recall a single word.
Damn.
She snapped the book shut and glared at the lively flames that were dancing in the fireplace. Focusing on anything besides Mr. Henley had become impossible. He was stuck in her head as firmly as her leg had been stuck in that blasted hole he’d dug.
Oh, if only her family hadn’t decided to come here. If only Henry had chosen to head off to some other part of England with friends instead of bringing his dashing valet into her life. The complication her growing attraction toward him posed was well and truly the sort she would rather do without.
Raising her hand, she touched the quartz pendant and muttered a curse. She’d wished for true love to find her. She just hadn’t thought it would turn her life upside down once it did.
A log snapped in the fireplace and then someone cleared their throat, bringing Lilli’s attention toward the door and to the intensity of Mr. Henley’s gaze. Her lungs drew tight and it suddenly felt as though every inch of her skin had begun to shimmer like morning dew sparkling beneath the early sun. Her breath caught next and whatever words she might have spoken lodged in her throat.
While she’d caught the occasional glimpse of him during the past few days, they’d not talked since their kiss in the garden. Partly because the opportunity to do so hadn’t arisen. Mostly because she’d been a coward – too afraid of what was happening between them to run headfirst toward it – which was so unlike her. A fact that added to her vexation.
