She smiled with contentment and arched up against him. “I wouldn’t mind that one bit.”
A guttural sound left his throat as he leaned in to nuzzle the spot where her neck met her shoulder. “Charlotte, luv. Ye’ll be my undoing.”
“I think that’s only fair since I’m already quite undone by you.”
His fingers, which had begun tracing the edge of her neckline, stilled. Charlotte’s heart hammered wildly against her breast while Blayne’s hot breath swept over her skin. “What are ye saying?”
Fighting for courage, she speared her fingers through his hair and nudged him back slightly so their eyes could meet. Slowly, she brought her other hand up to cup his cheek, her thumb gently stroking along the edge of his jawline.
He turned his head slightly and pressed a soft kiss to her palm, the yearning etched in his features so fierce she had no choice but to say what was in her heart.
“I love you, Blayne.”
He took a deep breath and exhaled it. “No.”
“No?” Her stomach began to twist while a sharp pain drove through her soul. She’d not expected him to reciprocate the sentiment, but neither had she thought he’d refute what she felt.
“Ye cannae be in love with me, lass. Yer mind’s just a wee bit muddled because of the way I make ye feel when we’re together like this. But that’s just lust. Nothing more.”
Clamping her mouth shut, Charlotte tried to pull air into her lungs as the pain his denial caused collided with anger. “Yes, Blayne. That must be it. I’m just a foolish woman who can’t differentiate between love and infatuation.”
“Charlotte. I didnae mean to imply ye dinnae feel something for me. It’s just that—”
“It can’t be love?” When he didn’t answer she huffed a frustrated breath. “Don’t tell me what I can or cannot feel, Blayne. These are my emotions and when it comes to you, they’re so overwhelmingly strong they terrify me half the time. And when they’re not doing that, they’re making me wish we could somehow be more to each other than this. Whateverthiseven is anymore, because frankly I’m no longer sure. But you must feel something too. I mean, you said I was your woman, which is a pretty possessive statement to make.”
A nerve ticked at the edge of his jaw. “I merely said it because I knew all those men would leave ye alone if they thought ye were already spoken for by me.”
She shook her head. “You’re lying.”
“I cannae marry ye, Charlotte,” he told her firmly, “so if that’s where this conversation is heading, ye need to stop.”
“I’m not suggesting we wed.” Was she? For years she’d lived with the dream of building a life on her own without a husband and yet, whenever Blayne spoke of his own disinterest in marriage, she wished he would reconsider – that he would suggest she change her goal to one that included him.
She stared at him, at his almost hostile posture and the way he refused to look at her. Disheartened and unsure of what else to say, she bent to retrieve her cloak. Nothing about this evening was turning out as she’d expected. “You’re a good man. No matter what you’ve done in the past, the person I know you to be is kind, helpful, and protective. You’ve supported me when no one else would, applauded my achievements even though most people would think them scandalous. You accept me for who I am and when I’m with you, I feel strong, safe, and complete.”
He closed his eyes against her words as if they pained him. “Charlotte. Ye dinnae ken what ye’re saying.”
“Stop telling me that.” She had a good mind to punch him. If he’d been of a smaller size she would have given him a good shake, but he was too massive compared with her. She’d not even make him budge.
“Charlotte,” he whispered. “Ye cannae truly love someone unless ye ken all their flaws and accept them. Those qualities ye just mentioned may be good, but they cannae overshadow the bad. And trust me when I tell ye, ye dinnae want to ken how bad it really is.”
She shook her head. “I don’t believe you.”
Shock registered in his eyes. “What?”
“I don’t believe you,” she repeated. “I know you, Blayne. You could never do something truly awful. Those men you told me you killed while working with Guthrie threatened your life and the lives of others. You rescued women and children from monsters. You fought to stay alive and while your actions might not have been legal, I still think you did the right thing. In my mind, protecting those who cannot protect themselves is heroic, Blayne. I admire you for it and don’t think of it as a blemish upon your soul, because it’s not.”
“I’m nae speaking of that,” he gritted as if it hurt him to talk. “I’m speaking of the life I had before Guthrie.”
“Tell me about it.”
“I cannae do that. Not ever. Ye just need to trust me on this.”
She hated his stubbornness and the rift it was causing between them. Knowing he wouldn’t budge, however, she grudgingly accepted defeat and gave a swift nod. They stared back at each other a moment before she asked, “When you went to the publisher about my book, what did they say?”
“I wasnae able to get past the clerk. The man didnae seem inclined to believe my story. He told me that if it were indeed true, I had to return with the author.”
“I suppose that does make sense.” Charlotte straightened her spine. “Will you escort me there tomorrow afternoon?”
