“Sarah!”
Feet pounded on the stairs.
“Sir,” another much fainter voice yelled. “You cannot go up there without permission. I don’t even know who you are.”
“I am the Duke of bloody Brunswick and I intend to find my wife!”
Sarah blinked. A fist pounded against a door a bit further along the hallway.
A female voice shrieked.
More pounding followed.
Sarah blew out a breath, put on the robe she’d discarded earlier,and crossed the floor. She was verily exhausted after the ordeal she’d been through. No woman liked walking several miles in a downpour after being tossed about in a careening carriage. And while her intention had been to find her husband, she wasn’t sure she had the energy for the furious mood he was clearly in. And what on earth was he doing here anyway when he was supposed to be at Sunderland Hall, or if not there then at one of his other estates? Nothing made sense.
Bolstering herself for what was to come, she swung open the door and gasped, because the man who stood before her looked like a madman who’d just fought his way out of hell. Drenched from head to toe, with uneven bits of beard protruding from the right side of his jaw, he stared at her with red-rimmed eyes conveying such anguish her heart instinctively cried out in pain.
“You’re alive,” he rasped and she saw he was shaking. “I thought... My God, Sarah. I feared... When I found the carriage I...”
His hands came up to cover his face, perhaps in a futile attempt to hide his complete destruction. Unable to bear it for one more second, Sarah stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m all right,” she whispered. “No harm has come to me, Matthew. The driver spotted the hole in the road and managed to slow the horses before we hit it. Come. Let’s get you inside so you can dry off.”
She felt more than heard his quivering breath right before she disengaged herself from his tight embrace and led him toward the fire.
“I will be in my own chamber if you need me,” Anna said and slipped quietly from the room, closing the door as she went.
“You’re in shock,” Sarah said as she removed the greatcoat from Matthew’s shoulders and began unbuttoning his jacket. The worry and anger she’d felt over his continued absence and the manner in which he’d left her were replaced by a desperate need to offer comfort, to ease his torment, and to help him overcome it. “The bath should make you feel better.”
As soon as the jacket came loose, she pulled it down over his arms, shook it out, and hung it over the back of a chair before going to work on his shirt. Tugging it free from his breeches, she hefted it up and over his head and was just about to hang it over another chair when he grabbed her wrist.
Her gaze darted to his, the agony she found there so intense it made her gasp.
“I’m sorry,” he told her with bleak sincerity. “Christ, Sarah, I’m so very sorry for how I’ve behaved.”
She stared back at him. “Where have you been?”
His throat worked as if he struggled to form the necessary words. Withdrawing his gaze from hers, he appeared to study the floor for a moment before he finally said, “At Mivart’s.”
“The hotel?” Sarah shook her head, incredulous. “But that’s...that’s only a five minute ride from our house.”
“I know.”
“Your note said you had urgent business.” Her voice shook with renewed pain. “You lied to me, Matthew, and then you left me. Why? I want an explanation.”
“And you deserve one.” He seemed to choke a little and when he met her gaze once more, she saw his eyes were filled with tears. “The truth is your love terrified me, because it made me realize that I could love you in return – that Idolove you in return – and in my experience love can only lead to unspeakable pain. So I ran with every intention of shutting it out, of shutting you out, and of wrestling my feelings for you back under control. But it didn’t work. Instead, I missed you, dreadfully. Sarah, I’m sorry, so terribly sorry for how I’ve mistreated you. I can only pray you’ll forgive me. Please, Sarah. I need you to do so.”
“You hurt me, Matthew.” She had to be honest too. No holding back now, no matter what. “I felt completely rejected, alone in a way I’ve not been since Claire died. It was awful.”
“I’m sorry.” His hands shook as he clasped hold of hers. “Please tell me there’s hope for us yet. Please, let me do what I can to make this up to you, to prove myself worthy of your affection, and to convince you of my love.”
“Will you share the details of your past with me?” she quietly asked.
“Yes. I’ve realized in recent weeks that ignoring a problem won’t make it go away. One must face it, and even then, there’s no guarantee it will ever be completely resolved. The loss I suffered as a child was overwhelming, but having you by my side, letting you share the burden with me as you have offered to do, will make it more bearable.”
“More than that, it will bring us closer.” Reaching up, she placed her palm against his cheek and swiped away a tear with her thumb. “You have suffered more than any man should. I know you fear it will happen again, and it might. Life gives us no guarantees. All I can promise is that I will do my best to fill every day we have together with happiness, starting right now.”
She pulled him in for a tender kiss meant to soothe his soul, then whispered against his lips, “You’re going to be a father, Matthew.”
#
