Matthew stubbornly shook his head. “I’ve made up my mind.”
Aunt Lydia sank against her chair with a sigh. “Why? There must be countless women who’d eagerly be your wife, among which there’s surely one who strikes your fancy. So why do you have to complicate things? Why go after the one woman who won’t say yes to your proposal?”
“For one thing, I’ve dismissed the rest, and you know me, I’m not one to settle for second best.”
His aunt snorted. “Like a horse wearing blinders. I never could make you glance away from the destinations you set for yourself as a boy. It was almost as if you feared you might fall the moment you looked to one side.”
“She mentioned honeysuckle.”
Aunt Lydia’s expression sagged with sympathy. “Oh, my dear boy.”
“It made me so angry I struggled to speak. I certainly couldn’t explain it, so I left, and then she was gone and I’m just not...I’m not sure how to fix it.”
“The simplest way would be to tell her the truth. Explain what happened and then apologize.”
Matthew dropped his gaze to his lap. “I don’t know how to talk about it with anyone else. I’ve no idea how to begin.”
Aunt Lydia placed one hand on top of his and gave it a squeeze. “It will come to you when you’re ready, and if you’re as determined to win Miss Townsbridge’s hand in marriage as you suggest, you’ll figure it out.”
“How do you do it?” Matthew met her calming gaze. “How do you manage to go on without them?”
“Matthew, my loss was never as great as yours. Of course I mourned my poor sister and her family, but I still had my parents and two other siblings. And then I met Mr. Perkins who blessed me with children of my own and in time, my heart healed.”
“I envy you that.”
“I’m sorry.” She withdrew her hand. “What happened was tragic. I did my best to help you through it, Matthew, but you were impossible to reach. In many ways you still are.”
“I can’t stand thinking about it.” He finished his coffee and stood. “Reliving it while I explain myself to Miss Townsbridge would be unbearable.”
“So then?”
“I’ll have to find another way.”
The look on his aunt’s face wasn’t the least bit reassuring, but to his relief, she didn’t berate him. Instead, she wished him good luck and saw him to the door. “You parents would want you to be happy, Matthew.You know that, don’t you?”
He gave a swift nod and departed. Of course he knew this. It was part of the reason why guilt clung to him like a wet blanket. Because he just couldn’t seem to move on as he was supposed to.
